Dementia for 2

My mom has been able to visit my grandmother these past 2 weeks. This is a good thing since I picked up a seasonal job and cannot go as often.

We have not had any incidents as bad as the last one I posted about. Another good thing.

But, there have been others. My mom has gone to the director of nursing at the home, and the director of the nursing home. Several comments have been made that are not very nice about my mom. But, she is not concerned about it as long as my grandmother is cared for properly.

Apparently, they have suspended the aide that was taking care of granny at night. When he comes back, they will be putting him on another wing. My question is why is he even coming back? It is obvious from his performance, that he is not doing a good job. I need to state that we are not the only family that is not happy with the care he provides.

The main office of this facility is located in another state. I have the 800 number and mailing address of the home office. I am seriously considering writing them a letter detailing the incidents and what steps have/have not been taken. The aides are union at this nursing home. It seems that this is an intimidating factor in regards to how they are disciplined. I am not union but my mother has been in previous jobs. So, I do know that there are procedures that must be followed when dealing with anyone in a union. But, the state in which I live is an "at will to work" state.

Also, even though they are under a union contract, my state is not any of the states listed that follow certain guidelines concerning this.

Instead of taking action against this employees, they seem to be trying to make it harder on my mom. She made the comment that she hid in my grandmother's closet and did not see anyone enter her room for over 2 hours. Since they are supposed to make rounds every 2 hours, this is not acceptable. So now they have the aides checking the closets. They have also made the comment that mom is looking for a reason to file a lawsuit. This is not the case at all.

My grandmother's care is the only thing that is on my mom's mind. No one wants to go to court. But if your bed is soaked through and your clothes are wet, there is a definite problem in your house. We both worry about how they talk to and treat granny when we are gone. We hate to say anything because we know in the end she is the one that will suffer because of us. But, on the other hand, if we say nothing she still suffers. There are only 2 nursing homes in my area and this is the only long term one so we are essentially stuck.

I don't know what we are going to to. I only know that I am worried about my granny.

Yesterday was supposed to be a fun filled day at the nursing home. I had a big day of girly pampering all planned for Granny and I. I'm talking facials, hair, mani-pedi, the whole regalia.

I get there and she is alone in the day room. This is a small rec room across from the nurse's station. The front of it is all glass so you can see in from quite a distance down the hall.

I see several aides (at least 3), and 1 nurse on my way to get granny. When I get in there, she has something in her hand and it is not her hat if you get my drift. Fortunately, there was a towel on the table behind her and I was able to get it out of her hand so we could get to her room.

I am beyond furious. When I get that angry, I have to be very careful. It is very easy for me to slip into using very graphic and more often than not, profane ways of expressing myself. But, because the welfare of my grandmother is at stake, I was able to maintain some semblance of control.

I stopped an aide and a nurse on the hallway and inquired as to who should be taking care of my grandmother at that point. No one seemed to be able to come up with a name. Imagine that. So, I take granny to her room and proceed to clean her up. This is not a short process considering the condition she was in when I found her. I won't go into graphic details but she did have on 2 "pull ups" and her clothes were dirty. I went down the hall and tried to speak with one of the head nurses on duty at the time. Since she was tied up on the phone, I went to the main nurse.

I voiced my opinion and told her what was going on with my grandmother. I did not use any profanity, but, I did catch myself getting a little loud as I am wont to do when greatly agitated. I was told she would "investigate the matter" and get back to me. She seemed more interested in who had the authority to do anything, my mother or me. I told her that I had a copy of the POA and so should she. I also told her to make whatever phone calls she needed to make to assure herself of my authority.

Today my mom goes down there to follow up. She is told that my grandmother did not have diarrhea and that I was mistaken in stating that she did. This has only poured gasoline on an already burning issue with me. Had I stopped to think, I would have taken pictures of granny. I have done that in the past when I felt an issue would be swept under the rug. But, my biggest concern at that moment was getting granny taken care of. She was so pitiful. I almost cried. She told me she was ready for the Lord to take her. She has never said that before.

Normally, granny has very good care. The aides there know my mom and I and they know that we are very involved with granny's care. Granny gets a visit from one or both of us almost everyday.

I will be better prepared for the next episode. I will definitely take photos and this head nurse will not be able to deny the condition I find granny in the next time I can assure you.

I am writing this for 2 reasons. The first one is to educate others. It doesn't matter how often you visit or how long you stay, there will come a time when your loved one will not taken be care of as they should be. You need to have a plan of action when this occurs. The other reason is to get it off my chest. I feel so bad that I did not do anything more to help granny. In hindsight, I can see where I should have done some things that I just didn't think to do. I won't make that mistake again.

On the upside, we did do nails and hair. I painted granny's nails for Halloween. Alternating orange and black. She thought that was very funny. I also fixed her hair and perfumed her up so she could feel pretty. When I left she told me, "I look pretty good today." That makes it all worth it.

There are at least 2 people in the nursing home with MRSA. This is definitely nothing to play around with.

There was a time when you only had to worry about this in a hospital or long term health facility, such as a nursing home. Now, children in schools, those going through basic training for the military, and many others are at risk.

Since cold and flu season is upon us, germs will be in much larger numbers in our homes, schools, and work places. From what I have been able to read, there are some things we can do to prevent MRSA from infecting us.

Hand Washing - As many of us realize, hand washing with soap is a major preventive for a plethora of germs. Using an alcohol based sanitizer helps, but some articles state that using a cleanser with Chlorhexidine is more effective.

Essential Oil Diffusion - Interestingly enough, certain essential oils seem to be quite effective in combating this infection. I am assuming that since diffusion is the method used, it would be used as a room deodorizer. The most effective oils tested were: Lemongrass, Lemon Myrtle, Mountain Savory, Cinnamon,and Melissa oils. Lemongrass is the most effective, completely inhibiting all colony growth. Tea Tree oil kills all MRSA strains that have been tested.

This is a highly contagious infection. If you have any cuts on your hands make sure you wear gloves when handling a person or their clothing that has MRSA.

My grandmother has contracted this twice since she has been living in the nursing home. I have been very fortunate in that I have not contracted this. My mother however, has and it was very difficult for her to overcome it. I wear 2 pairs of gloves when handling anything in my grandmother's room. She thinks this is very funny and we both enjoy a laugh over me being the "doctor". I am constantly spraying her room with Lysol and cleaning with my own cleaning products.

I hope that everyone has a safe fall/winter. Protection and prevention are key to keeping our health.

I have a friend who was married 2 weeks when her husband first hit her. He beat her in front of her children, while she was pregnant, in front of his parents, and friends. Unlike most women, she fought back. She was 15 when she married, and by the time she was 20 she had 2 kids and a divorce. Her story is typical in a lot of ways. She got out of the relationship whereas most women don't.

While there are signs that become visible, most of us still ignore what we see and know is going on among our friends and family. This is still considered a "family issue" in most settings. We know what is going on and we do nothing to help the person being abused. If we are afraid, imagine what the person being abused feels.


When my daughter was in high school, she did an extensive report on domestic violence among teens. I was appalled at how many young women find themselves in an abusive relationship with the boy they were dating.

I often remind my own daughter of what she has learned when I feel she is in an unhealthy relationship. Our girls are still looking for Prince Charming and find themselves caught up in a relationship that they are afraid to end.

Domestic violence is all about control. One partner (often the male), desires to dominate and control the other. This happens across the board. Rich, poor, black, white, heterosexual or homosexual. According to helpguide.org, this is a choice, not something that cannot be controlled.

We are becoming more aware of the signs of domestic violence, but are we doing any more about it? The police are more willing to get involved and that is a start. But what can you as an individual do? You can find a way to let someone you believe to be in an abusive relationship, that you are aware and are willing to help them get out. You can support your local battered women's shelter. If you do not know where it is, call your local police department and they can help you. These shelters are always looking for volunteers, donations of clothing, food, and money.

Talk with your teen. Let them know that you are there for them and are willing to help them. Don't let them become a statistic.

If you are a victim yourself, call your local police department and ask for help. If you cannot call them, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and get the help you need. To quote my mother, the wisest woman I know,"Don't accept a diamond ring for a black eye."

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-787-3224
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
http://teenhealth.about.com/od/relationships/a/signsofabuser.htm

You never think of adults stealing words from one another. I just read from Tara at If Mom Says OK, that her work has been plagiarized. I am still just flabbergasted over this. I never even entertained the idea of someone stealing my words.

Tara also listed some sites to help us all protect our sites. While my site is not viewed by that many, some of you have quite a lot of followers and probably even more lurkers. So I wanted to give you the sites so you can also be protected.

Since I am very ignorant on the ins and outs of exactly what "copyright" means, I went to dragonbeads and they have graciously put the copyright law in its original language,you know the one you need a PhD to understand and in regular English for the rest of us.

Tara also recommends that all of us on blogger read the DMCA and to Copyscape for additional info and tips on how to avoid plagiarism.

While I did not comment on Tara's site, I did want to use this opportunity to thank her for passing this information on to us. I also wanted to say this is the lowest of the low to steal another person's thoughts and to pass them off as your own.

Thanks again Tara for enabling all of us to avoid the lesson you had to learn the hard way!