Dementia for 2

my faith is very important to me. this is not a rant about how right my beliefs are and how wrong yours are. while i do have very stongs beliefs about who God is and what my obligations and duties are concerning my relationship with Him, i don't usually provide that information unless i feel lead to by God.

having said all that, i have been arguing with God for awhile now and i can't seem to get it right. by arguing with God what i do is i just don't talk to Him. I don't pray, study or read the Word at all. this only escalates the downhill slide i am on. i don't want to do this and when i think about it i feel remorse that i am so easily lead astray but i can't seem to help myself.

i know He is waiting on me to swallow my pride or guilt or whatever this is i am feeling and get on my knees but i just avoid doing it. needless to say, my life is falling apart in chunks because of this. i just want to know why i do this and how to stop it. i miss my Father.