Dementia for 2

I hate being in limbo! I want to know what is going on and when changes are coming. I have never been one for surprises so I don't do well with indecision.

We are STILL going around and around with the bank over our house! Once again they have sent us a foreclosure notice with "options" that are available. This is the second time we have gone through this. We have sent paperwork to all the necessary people involved in the short sale 3 TIMES! Yet they still don't seem to know what is going on.

We have not even bothered to look seriously at other places to live because of this. From what I have looked at, it looks kind of grim for us. Since the housing bust, rental property has skyrocketed. Apartments are just as high.

I have been packing stuff up that I know I won't need any time soon and donating tons of stuff that I just refuse to move. I have also been building a flowerbed for my friend Carla. She is the mother of my grandson and she is wheel chair bound. So, I have been taking some of my plants over there to fix her backyard up so she will have something pretty to look at.

Hopefully, we can find affordable housing soon and start over. I will have to put most of my stuff in storage if we move to an apartment due to space issues. Fortunately, it is just tools and the like so we can do without those until we can afford to get something larger.

While I know that God is in control of all of this, I still have apprehensive feelings about all of it. I am worried about the move. I worry that we will get somewhere and something terrible will happen and we won't be able to afford it. I worry that we will be stuck there for YEARS. I worry about starting over at my age. I know that I shouldn't be so stressed out over this but, I can't seem to help myself.

Life just shouldn't be this HARD all the time! I know that we brought a lot of this on ourselves. I know that we have to pay for the consequences of our actions. That seems to be all I do anymore. Pay for decisions. When does it stop? At what point is it enough?

Enough whining! We will get through this one way or another. God will be there every step of the way and my faith will be stronger when all this is over. That is truly all that matters.

Shortly after my last post I received a call from our Realtor. Apparently, things were crossed in the mail, email, phone space time continuum. Seems as though BAC did receive everything in a timely manner and we are back on track with the short sale.

This is good news on many fronts. I am truly grateful to God for removing these walls that have been a constant thorn in my side over this whole deal. Maybe now I can get some sleep.

I still have some things to get rid of before I start storing our items until we find a place to live. Since this could take a few months, I have not really started looking at rental property. Since the son has moved back home for a while, and from the looks of things he is going to be with us for at least a year, we can look at rental houses instead of apartments. This is also a big plus since we have a German Shepard that will cost us a fortune in pet deposits.

Hubs and I have really enjoyed having our son back at home for a while. We get to see the grandson more and I am able to discuss some of said son's decisions with him. I don't know if I have made an impact on him, but I continue to pray that he will come to his senses as it were. He has started to understand that a lot of his issues are self inflicted and he really does need to make some life changes and soon. Whether or not he actually will is another story. I seem to like my own little hamster wheel as you all know so who am I to judge?

My dear sister is also dealing with children issues. She and her husband have had to confront their daughter concerning her choice of friends. Since my niece is grown, there isn't a whole lot that they can do. However, they have laid down ground rules concerning who is/is not welcome in their home. This is not an easy conversation to have with your child at any time and I truly feel for them. While nothing was openly admitted, nothing was denied. My sister and her husband are strong in their faith and I know God will see them through this storm as long as they continue to lean on Him.

I think the hardest thing to deal with in a difficult parent/child issue is all the memories that are stirred up. I tend to think about all the mistakes that I have made not only as a parent but also as a wretched child. I was truly horrible. I don't know how my poor mother survived it all. I have definitely "paid for my raising".

The upside to all of this is that God can take all this and turn it into something good and wonderful and for that I am truly grateful.

Once again BAC has seen fit to find yet another reason to deny the short sale of the house. I fear they have finally worn us down. Foreclosure is set for sometime in May. I would like to say I am relieved. I would like to say we are going to be fine. I would really like to say that there are plenty of affordable places to rent in my area. But, alas, such is not the case.

I am really sad to be leaving our home of so many years. I dread the idea of starting over. Actually, I dread the "thinning out" process of starting over. I know we will be okay. God has not forsaken my family. I know that the right house will be available and affordable. I just don't know when or where. I have a great fear of the unknown. I have never been one to enjoy surprises so this is all very stressful for me.

I have been trying to keep a stiff upper lip and a positive attitude about this whole thing. But, to be honest, it is really hard. A lot of buried resentments are rising to the surface and I just don't want to deal with them. I have started to give God the silent treatment in response to this. I so want to just deny, deny, deny. I can see how this is affecting my relationships with others and I don't like the person I am at the moment.

I seem to be spiraling out of control inside and it is starting to be very noticeable on the outside. I know I should be praying about all of this, but what do I say? I have said it all before to God. I seem to keep repeating myself and that is of no use to anyone. I am becoming very angry at everyone about everything. This is not how God desires that I clear this latest hurdle in my life. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier.

I have come so close and then the prize eludes me once again. I know that I will never get it right but you would think I could come a little closer after all this time. I think it is time to announce "Last Call" at this little pity party of mine and kick all these uninvited guests out.

I am really starting to get mad about this whole house thing. This will probably be my venting post. Please forgive me in advance.

First of all hubs waits until the last minute to do ANYTHING. I cannot begin to tell you how this truly aggravates me to no end. So, he waits until the 59th minute of the 11th hour on the last day to finally get all the paperwork filled out. BAC being the cooperative company that they are, kicks it back because he crossed out ONE item. When he calls them to find out if they got the second pristine copy, they tell him no. Mind you it took me sitting down at the computer and starting one of my world famous scathing emails for him to even call them.

Once he gets someone on the phone, we find out that they have not received the second set of paperwork. So, I have been trying to get the realtor to resend the paperwork since FRIDAY.

I am really tired of this whole mess. Normally hubs' procrastination only affects his "honey do" list and I can deal with that. But this is something else entirely and I am about ready to light a serious fire under his behind. I will probably include my realtor in this endeavour as well. I am getting off my gripe box now.

"The boy" has moved back home on a temporary basis. I have really enjoyed having him back here for a while. We get to spend more time with the grandson and that is never a bad thing. I am very close to my kids, so I really like having him around a little more even if it is only for a short while.

Granny has been doing really well these days. Spring is right around the corner and she loves that time of year. Everything is in bloom and it seems to make her more alert. I am going to try and go see her this week. My daffodils are in bloom and I always cut them and take them to her. She loves them and they really make her day. I really miss going to visit her and walking around her yard to see all of her plants. She used to have some beautiful flowers and plants. She has an African Violet in her room, we can't put anymore live plants in there because of space.

I hope all of my readers are doing well and I thank you all for your words of encouragement during all of this. You guys have been wonderful do listen to all of my raving and whining. I promise the next post will be much happier.