Dementia for 2

I recently started a Bible Study based on Elizabeth George's book, " Loving God With All Your Mind".  I think this will be a very thought provoking study based on the first 2 chapters that we have read. 


She is speaking about her own depression and what enabled her to overcome it. The beginning chapters are based on Philippians 4:8 " Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

I have not blogged in a while due to my illness. It has taken me quite a while to get over this bout of pneumonia. I think I am finally out of the woods.

Granny has been in the hospital for a week battling the same thing. They also found fluid build up on her heart. The doctor has decided to treat her with aspirin. We are praying that this works out for her. She should be going back to the nursing home today.

I don't usually write about my family in such a frank way, but I fell compelled to tell my son's story. I am hoping this will help others that are dealing with similar situations.

"J" has an addictive personality. He is very soft hearted and compassionate and children are just drawn to him. However, he like all of us has made some very poor life decisions. The main one being his love of drugs. He thinks I am blind to this because I don't always say something about his condition when I know he is strung out.

A few months ago he moved to Texas. This was very hard for me to deal with since I have never been separated from either of my children. We talked about this decision before he left and we both knew this was the best move for him at the time. "J" moved there specifically to dry out. He spent 2 weeks in hard withdrawal before he could even leave the house.

Once he was clean, he started trying to find work. I don't have to tell any of you how incredibly hard that is right now. Things did not work out for him for a variety of reasons and he is now back at home. I am overjoyed that he is here. He has been able to secure a job through the help of family and friends. Best of all I have the "J" that I know and love back.

The lesson he still has not learned will probably lead him back to his old lifestyle. This lesson is simple. You cannot hang out in the same places with the same people if you are clean. These people will constantly try to get you to partake in the things you used to do. Right now he is still able to say no. But I fear there will come a day when he will be unable to say no. I have been there done that.

He and I have talked about this at length. I have explained to him that the next time he gets in this situation it will be worse and much harder to get clean. I cannot make him change these things in his environment. I am praying for him and when it comes up we do talk about it. But the fear for him is great in me.

If you are in a similar situation, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you change your environment. These people are not your friends. Those old haunts of yours are not safe. Everything must be different if you are to succeed in your quest to remain clean.

While reading Oswald Chambers the other day, I was struck by how often we bring one another down with our sympathy. I have come to the conclusion that we as a whole tend to confuse sympathy and compassion.

I have been trying to sort this out in such a way that would make it easy for me to put into words. I am not sure if I have succeeded. Another word that is in this same category for me is empathy. I don't seem to be able to think of the other two without this one also.

Sympathy is sharing the feelings or emotions of another. The issue with sympathy is that it tends to spill over into gossip and can make us feel as though we are a victim depending on the circumstance. We also tend to use sympathy as a way to gain more information about a certain situation.

Empathy is more of an emotional understanding of another's situation. I think of empathy as more impersonal than compassion or sympathy. With empathy, you may have had a personal experience that allows you to really understand what another person is going through.

Compassion is a feeling of anguish for another along with a desire to help alleviate their suffering. You are sincere in your endeavors to help another in a painful situation.

I used to think that being a sympathetic person was a good thing. I thought I was conveying all the right things. Then I really started to think about the people involved. I realized that my sympathy was misplaced. There are people that just want to feed off of your sympathy. They are not interested in moving beyond the point they are in. I also realized that I was getting caught up in their saga and that is never a good thing.

I am learning to be more compassionate and empathetic without so much sympathy. It can be a very fine line between the three, but you can learn to distinguish between the three and covey what you truly mean without confusion.

Exactly what are idle words? What comes to mind when you heard that phrase?

I think of work. Rampant with rumors, gossip, and backbiting. Since there are so many employees, there is never a lack of something/someone to talk about. There are days when I just don't want to talk to anyone. I reach my threshold of trash talk if you will.

We are told that we are responsible for every word we speak. This has given me great pause as of late. When I think of all the idle words I speak in just one day it can be convicting to say the least.But, is it just words that we are responsible for? What about idle thoughts? Thoughts of ill will or what ifs or if onlys? How do we handle those instances?

How can we curb all of this? I study and read the Word and still can't control my mouth much less my brain. It can be quite daunting to have the "mind of God" when you are bombarded at every twist and turn in the journey of life. It seems as though we never really conquer anything.

I have been talking with God lately about my idle words and in the process have become a quieter person. For those that know me, you know I can be quite loquacious. I am hoping that I don't become rude in the process of curbing my mouth, another tendency of mine. As you can surmise, this is going to be a prolonged process to say the least.

The goal is to only have interesting and uplifting things to say/think. I just hope the process doesn't become a hopeless situation.

I remember when we first met so long ago.
Life was so much fun then.
We used to laugh and talk and go places.

Now we barely speak.
When did arguments become conversation?

When did I start having more fun with others?
When did we start dreading to come home to one another?

At what point do we finally decide enough is enough and move on?
I feel like a widow.

I don't know if I can go on like this anymore.
I don't see how you could possibly want to continue to live like this.

All the misery and pain that we inflict on each other with our words or lack there of has got to be getting to you.

A decision has got to be made and soon.
Otherwise, dread will turn to bitterness and love will turn to distaste.

We are not the same people we used to be.
We have become strangers to ourselves and each other.

I do not like who I have become and I cannot continue to be this person.
You seem so caviler about the whole thing that I cannot tell if you are even bothered enough to care anymore.

The guilt that I feel at the thought of leaving seems too great.
That is no reason to stay.
What keeps you here?
You say one thing but your actions say something else entirely.

We need to conclude this act in our lives.
I feel the curtain drawing for good. Do you feel it to?

What I don't feel is an encore.

Shortly after my last post I received a call from our Realtor. Apparently, things were crossed in the mail, email, phone space time continuum. Seems as though BAC did receive everything in a timely manner and we are back on track with the short sale.

This is good news on many fronts. I am truly grateful to God for removing these walls that have been a constant thorn in my side over this whole deal. Maybe now I can get some sleep.

I still have some things to get rid of before I start storing our items until we find a place to live. Since this could take a few months, I have not really started looking at rental property. Since the son has moved back home for a while, and from the looks of things he is going to be with us for at least a year, we can look at rental houses instead of apartments. This is also a big plus since we have a German Shepard that will cost us a fortune in pet deposits.

Hubs and I have really enjoyed having our son back at home for a while. We get to see the grandson more and I am able to discuss some of said son's decisions with him. I don't know if I have made an impact on him, but I continue to pray that he will come to his senses as it were. He has started to understand that a lot of his issues are self inflicted and he really does need to make some life changes and soon. Whether or not he actually will is another story. I seem to like my own little hamster wheel as you all know so who am I to judge?

My dear sister is also dealing with children issues. She and her husband have had to confront their daughter concerning her choice of friends. Since my niece is grown, there isn't a whole lot that they can do. However, they have laid down ground rules concerning who is/is not welcome in their home. This is not an easy conversation to have with your child at any time and I truly feel for them. While nothing was openly admitted, nothing was denied. My sister and her husband are strong in their faith and I know God will see them through this storm as long as they continue to lean on Him.

I think the hardest thing to deal with in a difficult parent/child issue is all the memories that are stirred up. I tend to think about all the mistakes that I have made not only as a parent but also as a wretched child. I was truly horrible. I don't know how my poor mother survived it all. I have definitely "paid for my raising".

The upside to all of this is that God can take all this and turn it into something good and wonderful and for that I am truly grateful.

Once again BAC has seen fit to find yet another reason to deny the short sale of the house. I fear they have finally worn us down. Foreclosure is set for sometime in May. I would like to say I am relieved. I would like to say we are going to be fine. I would really like to say that there are plenty of affordable places to rent in my area. But, alas, such is not the case.

I am really sad to be leaving our home of so many years. I dread the idea of starting over. Actually, I dread the "thinning out" process of starting over. I know we will be okay. God has not forsaken my family. I know that the right house will be available and affordable. I just don't know when or where. I have a great fear of the unknown. I have never been one to enjoy surprises so this is all very stressful for me.

I have been trying to keep a stiff upper lip and a positive attitude about this whole thing. But, to be honest, it is really hard. A lot of buried resentments are rising to the surface and I just don't want to deal with them. I have started to give God the silent treatment in response to this. I so want to just deny, deny, deny. I can see how this is affecting my relationships with others and I don't like the person I am at the moment.

I seem to be spiraling out of control inside and it is starting to be very noticeable on the outside. I know I should be praying about all of this, but what do I say? I have said it all before to God. I seem to keep repeating myself and that is of no use to anyone. I am becoming very angry at everyone about everything. This is not how God desires that I clear this latest hurdle in my life. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier.

I have come so close and then the prize eludes me once again. I know that I will never get it right but you would think I could come a little closer after all this time. I think it is time to announce "Last Call" at this little pity party of mine and kick all these uninvited guests out.

My son has been angry most of his life. I don't think he remembers a time when he was not angry. Anger that is buried that deep not only becomes who you are but you reach a point when that is all you know. You can forget why you are angry, but, you never lose the anger.

I have been praying for my son for a very long time. This past week many prayers have been answered on his behalf. "J" finally faced the fact that this anger is destroying him from the inside out. He also realized just how long he has been angry and why.

This was accomplished solely through the work of God. I am so grateful to my Lord for the work He is doing in "J". I know that this is a process and will take quite a while, but I also know that he will get through this.

Forgiveness is the key. He is having an extremely hard time with this. It is very hard to forgive someone that has hurt you deeply. Especially when you were an innocent child and your entire life has been affected by this act. He is taking baby steps right now and is very vulnerable. I pray that he remains strong in his faith and what he knows to be true.

We spent hours talking and praying about this and how he should handle this. God has been so merciful and long suffering with my son. I know many people that are trying to deal with their own anger. Anger at family members,co-workers, neighbors, and friends. Their anger has manged to seep into every facet of their lives. They are bitter and miserable. The thing is they don't even realize this has happened. Some are justified but, most are not. Some, like my son, may be justified in being angry but have become sinful in their anger. I have been this person. I could become this person again. But, I know the long road I had to travel and what it has cost me. I am very unwilling to travel that road again.

I am thankful that my son has come to this point in his life. I pray that he will continue to make his way back to the "narrow path". He did tell me yesterday that he had the best day he has had in a long while. How great is that! To know that our Lord blessed this tortured young man with a good day and he was so happy to know that it can happen.....even to him.....even to you.

As many of you know, hubs and I are trying to short sale our house. Well, yesterday, we received a letter in the mail that really threw us for a loop. The bank notified us that we still have an open loan re-modification application on file.

The representative that hubs talked with said it had been open on the books since October. If this is true, why did they send us a letter the week before Christmas informing us that we had no options but to short sale the house? When he was asked about this the rep told hubs that maybe the bank had figured out a way we could keep our home.

Hubs informed him that we had already started the short sale. So now we have until this afternoon to decide if we want to continue with the short sale or try yet another loan re-modification.

I know that God is not the author of confusion. I also know that if we make a decision based on what we want instead of what God wants we will pay for it. But, in this case, I just don't know what the right decision is.

I have prayed that God would remove what ever was interfering in my relationship with Him. When we got the letter about the short sale, we were actually relieved that some finality was placed on this whole situation. It has been easy for me to purge my things because I know now that I was placing to much value on things and not my relationship with God.

I don't like time limits that are put on major decisions. To mail us a letter that we receive on Friday and tell us that we have until Saturday afternoon, is really quite hard to do. Especially when you factor in our work schedules. So I am waiting on hubs to call me on his lunch break so we can discuss this at least a little more before he makes the call.

I have been praying that God would let us know in no uncertain terms what we are to do and that we can do this without reservation. We will have made our decision by this afternoon so I will keep you all updated.

I thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement during all this and I know that whatever happens, God will provide.

Christmas was a solemn affair this year. I tried to stay upbeat and positive for the kids, but the underlying sadness was there for all of us. But, we were all able to get together and there were a lot of laughs and joy in the end.

We have had several options come our way regarding housing. Since the only way to afford anything is to go down to one vehicle, we are hoping to get moved before the banks takes the truck. This has been yet another tough decision for us but a necessity.

I told the kids to start coming over at least once a week to pick what they want from what I am no longer hanging onto. They have been acting like this is the last act of my life. They don't want to pick what they want. "B" says ask my brother if he wants it first, and vice versa. Too funny. I finally had to lay it out very plainly for them. Either you take it now or it goes to charity never to be seen again. That kind of got them motivated.

I still have not been able to really get to some things. The holidays have slowed me down a bit. I am hoping to be completely done with the "not keeping" no later than next week. Then I can start packing up what I am keeping but will not need in the immediate future.

I really dread the garage and "D"'s stuff. Hubs can be very difficult when it comes to parting with things. Even stuff he doesn't even remember having.

I too am guilty of hanging on to things. What I have come to realize through all this is that I am not only getting a physical cleansing but a spiritual one as well. I have come to realize just how much some of this stuff came between God and me. Not the actual stuff but, the way I felt about it. I think that is what is making this a little easier for me to handle. I know that when I am done with all this purging, I will have gotten rid of much in my life that is holding me back in many ways.

Housing is another issue right now. Hubs seems to have his heart set on one particular place. I have a really hard time saying no to him. I have been praying about this issue and God in His faithfulness has shown me much. I am learning that it is okay to say no and not create tension between us. Unfortunately, he and I have different ways of looking at things. While I try although not always successfully, to sift everything through The Word and prayer, he does not. But, I am confident that God will give me the needed guidance in this area.

I am glad that 2010 is almost over and I am looking forward to 2011. A fresh start is good for the soul. I hope you all have a safe and Happy New year and look forward to reading about all of you in the coming year.

I really try to stay away from political topics here. There are hundreds of political blogs out there catering to every persuasion known to man. But, as a Veteran, I don't think this latest action by our government has been thought through to its bitter end.

My views on homosexuality fall in line with the Word of God. However, I do not push those views on anyone. I do not "preach" to anyone concerning their life choices. That is between you and God. If you come to me and ask me I will tell you as I am obligated by the Word to do.

But, I personally do not think our country is ready for gays to be open in the military. While I was serving in the USMC, someone told me the military is a dictatorship within a democracy. I don't think it is quite that extreme, but it is close. I have tried to keep up with all the changes in the military and the type of soldier,airman,ship man or marine that we now have serving. The military has changed quite a bit over the last decade or so. The young men and women enlisting today do not think or act like they used to. Their values, work ethic, and education is vastly different from just 10 years ago. There are also a lot of gang members in the military now. Something that was unheard of in the past. There have been film clips in Iraq with gang graffiti on buildings. So now you have violence within the ranks.

I think with this new decision by our government, the violence will probably increase. It is going to be quite hard for a gunner or navy seal or ranger to deal with seeing his bunk mate or the guy he shares guard duty with dressed as a woman during their off time. I think it will be equally hard for women to deal with other women being couples in the open.

While the government may think this was the right decision, I don't think they will know how to deal with the repercussions of such a decision. The fear that gays used to live with in a civilian situation will once again rear its ugly head. Only this time everyone will have a gun.

Granny will be 94 in just a few weeks! I can't believe it has been a year already. Where did the time go?

We are throwing her a party at the nursing home this year. This is the first year that I have not been able to take her to mom's. It has been really hard for me to accept the fact that I can no longer just go and get her anytime I want. It doesn't seem to have affected Granny and that is what really matters.

Mom is having her party on a Saturday so everyone can attend. I am hoping to get the day off without playing hooky. This will be the first time my sister and I have attended a family function together in over 5 years. I am very apprehensive about that aspect of the whole thing. I really don't want to do or say anything that will hurt my mom or my granny.

Granny will be so surprised when we have her party. She just loves all the attention and will be excited to have all of us there I am sure. I have not decided what to get her yet. Since she has such limited space, it is very difficult to buy for her these days. I am thinking of buying her some new pictures for her room to change it up a bit.

I should be able to post some pics soon so ya'll can see how great my granny looks.

Hope everyone has a great week and I will try to post more soon.

I know the photo I chose is an alternative to a Christmas Tree, but, Granny would love it.

In my quest to resolve the conflict between my sister and me, I have been doing a lot of reading on the biblical way to resolve conflict. The steps given seem fairly easy at a glance. But, upon further reflection, you soon realize that they are anything but easy.

I realize that by allowing this problem to go on as long as it has, that I have been remiss in my responsibility. I allowed my sister's response to my first attempt rule any future decisions I might have made. By doing this, I have also allowed this problem to become an even bigger wedge between us.

According to God's word, we should go to the person in private first. This should be done in private between you and them. The issue I have with that is location. I am not a big sports fan, but I do realize the importance of "home court advantage". So, I am leery of going to her house and do not think it fair to suggest my house. I have thought of a public setting. In my mind, this would keep the volume low and also the tone of the conversation may be more civil. We could possibly meet at my mother's, however, my mom being who she is, would feel obligated to referee. I am not comfortable placing her in that position.

Assuming we are able to work out step one and do meet, we would then actually have to speak to each other. I have to make sure that I am allowing God to use this situation and me to His glory and not my own. I have to make sure that my words are tempered with love and compassion. I have to be willing to actually listen to what she says. This can be hard because when the other person starts with the "you did this", we tend to close our ears and open our mind to all they have done to us.

If the above actions do not resolve the issue, we are instructed to go to another Christian for help in mediating. This should be someone that knows both parties. The only people that know both of us and most likely any part of the issue at hand, are members of her church. While I don't have a problem with this per say, I am concerned about what they know and how that would affect their ability to act in a non-judgmental way.

If we are still unable to resolve this, the Word instructs you to go to the elders of your church and tell them. This is serious. Since I don't belong to a church, my sister's church would be the one in question. I am praying that this can be resolved before it comes to this step. If we come to this place, we will be writing off each other forever. Forever is such a very long time. Too long to think about at this time.

I did not know until recently that there are only 4 types of personalities. Guess I should have paid more attention in school.

I have read Charles Swindoll's take on the different types. I searched for the right book but, I have several of his and could not find the particular one. Fortunately, I did find it on the web.

While we all have one distinct type, we may also exhibit traits of the the remaining 3. James MacDonald spoke on this today in regards to solving conflict in our relationships. So I am hoping that this will help me in my quest to resolve things between my sister and I.

Without further ado, here are the types complete with animal examples.

Lion - Choleric/Dominance. This person is a take charge kind of person. They are energetic, ambitious, strong willed and independent. Because of your need to win, you can viewed as sarcastic, cruel or even domineering.

Otter - Sanguine/Influence. You are the life of the party. You make friends easily and crave the limelight. You have lighthearted attitude.But you tend to wear your emotions on your sleeves and lose interest in things rather quickly.

Golden Retriever - Phlegmatic/Steadiness. Like the Golden Retriever, you are steadfast, and dependable. You can be resistant to change which others perceive as stingy or selfish.

Beaver - Melancholy/Compliance. You want to be right. You can be a perfectionist and very analytical. Because of your need to be right you can be viewed as unsociable , moody, or critical.

Now I know who I am. The question is who is my sister? By knowing a little more of her personality type, will this help me to resolve this conflict between us once and for all? Should I even bother with all of this? Those are my new questions fo the day.

Here are your questions:
Which type are you? Do you recognize the person you are in conflict with? By knowing this will you be able to better communicate with them?

For more information on this you can visit the following sites.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Temperaments

http://weirdblog.wordpress.com/2007/02/22/personality-types-lion-beaver-otter-and-golden-retriever/

http://www.walkintheword.com/Broadcast.aspx