Dementia for 2

I recently started a Bible Study based on Elizabeth George's book, " Loving God With All Your Mind".  I think this will be a very thought provoking study based on the first 2 chapters that we have read. 


She is speaking about her own depression and what enabled her to overcome it. The beginning chapters are based on Philippians 4:8 " Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

I remember when we first met so long ago.
Life was so much fun then.
We used to laugh and talk and go places.

Now we barely speak.
When did arguments become conversation?

When did I start having more fun with others?
When did we start dreading to come home to one another?

At what point do we finally decide enough is enough and move on?
I feel like a widow.

I don't know if I can go on like this anymore.
I don't see how you could possibly want to continue to live like this.

All the misery and pain that we inflict on each other with our words or lack there of has got to be getting to you.

A decision has got to be made and soon.
Otherwise, dread will turn to bitterness and love will turn to distaste.

We are not the same people we used to be.
We have become strangers to ourselves and each other.

I do not like who I have become and I cannot continue to be this person.
You seem so caviler about the whole thing that I cannot tell if you are even bothered enough to care anymore.

The guilt that I feel at the thought of leaving seems too great.
That is no reason to stay.
What keeps you here?
You say one thing but your actions say something else entirely.

We need to conclude this act in our lives.
I feel the curtain drawing for good. Do you feel it to?

What I don't feel is an encore.

Christmas was a solemn affair this year. I tried to stay upbeat and positive for the kids, but the underlying sadness was there for all of us. But, we were all able to get together and there were a lot of laughs and joy in the end.

We have had several options come our way regarding housing. Since the only way to afford anything is to go down to one vehicle, we are hoping to get moved before the banks takes the truck. This has been yet another tough decision for us but a necessity.

I told the kids to start coming over at least once a week to pick what they want from what I am no longer hanging onto. They have been acting like this is the last act of my life. They don't want to pick what they want. "B" says ask my brother if he wants it first, and vice versa. Too funny. I finally had to lay it out very plainly for them. Either you take it now or it goes to charity never to be seen again. That kind of got them motivated.

I still have not been able to really get to some things. The holidays have slowed me down a bit. I am hoping to be completely done with the "not keeping" no later than next week. Then I can start packing up what I am keeping but will not need in the immediate future.

I really dread the garage and "D"'s stuff. Hubs can be very difficult when it comes to parting with things. Even stuff he doesn't even remember having.

I too am guilty of hanging on to things. What I have come to realize through all this is that I am not only getting a physical cleansing but a spiritual one as well. I have come to realize just how much some of this stuff came between God and me. Not the actual stuff but, the way I felt about it. I think that is what is making this a little easier for me to handle. I know that when I am done with all this purging, I will have gotten rid of much in my life that is holding me back in many ways.

Housing is another issue right now. Hubs seems to have his heart set on one particular place. I have a really hard time saying no to him. I have been praying about this issue and God in His faithfulness has shown me much. I am learning that it is okay to say no and not create tension between us. Unfortunately, he and I have different ways of looking at things. While I try although not always successfully, to sift everything through The Word and prayer, he does not. But, I am confident that God will give me the needed guidance in this area.

I am glad that 2010 is almost over and I am looking forward to 2011. A fresh start is good for the soul. I hope you all have a safe and Happy New year and look forward to reading about all of you in the coming year.

Apparently the saga from my previous post is going to continue for at least one more post.

I am in the middle of a Beth Moore study on the Fruit of the Spirit. Most of us know the list Paul gives in Gal. 5:22-23. The first on the list is love. There are many types of love as you also know.

She chose to tackle the physical side of human love first. I will try not to bore you with a lot of technical terms. I am into word study so while I find it quite interesting, others may be bored to tears. To simplify things, you can read the Song of Solomon and see this type of love for yourself. In the Greek Eros is used to signify physical desire.
Then you have the Hebrew words used on the Songs which are dowd and rayah. Some other spellings for these 2 words are dod and raya.

I am not going to get into premarital sex and what all God says about that. We all know how He feels about it. The scriptures that are relevant to this post are 1 Cor. 7:3-6, Song of Solomon 1 and 4, and 1 Cor. 7:7.

What she says is this: "According to these Scriptures, an ongoing deprivation of your mate for inappropriate reasons could be considered a unique form of adultery." Say what?!

So I started thinking of all the things we put before our mates. Our jobs, children, homes, friends, sports, cars, etc. How many of us are workaholics or sports nuts, or way too involved in the lives of our family and friends? How many of us put these things before our spouse? How many of us then have the audacity to ask them what is your problem?

I know our lives are busy and exhausting with just trying to survive. But, we do have a tendency to take the one that is supposed to mean the most to us for granted. Trust me, there will come a time when they won't be there and you will be left wondering what went wrong.

Before that time comes and you are brokenhearted, take some time with your mate. Do something with them that means something to them. Don't replace your intimacy with something or someone that isn't going to be there in 20 years. If you make your marriage vulnerable, it will break into a thousand pieces.

I know that it takes 2 but someone has to start the ball rolling. Fix yourself up and put on that song that used to do it for both of you. Have some fun and get close. Save what is important now.

There are moments in my life that I just wish I could forever erase from my memory. I know that my decisions have shaped who I am. I also know that God will use my bad choices to help others for His glory. But, I really hate having to face the "old" me.

This is my second marriage and we struggle EVERY day to make it work. Like most couples, we have issues that we would rather not face, but, face them we must.

During my first marriage, I was unfaithful to my husband. I would like to be able to blame it on all kinds of mitigating factors. But the truth is, I made the choice to be unfaithful. I made the choice to lie about it and I made the choice to shift the blame to anyone but me.

Quite a number of years ago, my current husband was unfaithful to me. I don't know how far this liaison progressed before he confessed, and I don't want to know. There was a time when that would have been important to me, but not anymore.

We have mended our relationship through therapy, tears, fights, and pure determination. I have been able to forgive and move on because of my relationship with God. I definitely reaped what I sowed.

Since I have been both women meaning the "other" woman and the heartbroken wife, I have quite a few people that want to discuss their marital woes with me. I am not equipped to do this. I have made so many bad mistakes that I just don't feel I can give sage advice.

I do know that any decision we make affects someone else. The old saying "I'm not hurting anyone but myself" is a lie. You will hurt others around you. Your relationships will forever be colored by your decisions. The way you treat others and the way they treat you is one of the effects of your decision.

Please don't delude yourself into thinking I am some sort of "big" person for deciding to forgive my husband. I am not. I was angry for YEARS. Something between us died that day and it will never be resuscitated. God's mercy has been great in my life and I don't presume to think otherwise.

I have a friend going through a similar situation and it breaks my heart to see such anguish. "D" and I have known him for years and I would never have guessed he was so unhappy in his marriage. So what great advice did I give him? Remember that she will find out and she will be hurt deeply. Make sure that you can live with the repercussions of your actions. Are you willing to risk your marriage for a romp in the hay? What a jerk I am! What a perfect opportunity to witness and tell this man how much God carried me through this and what I learned when I emerged from the forest. I can only pray that when he approaches me again that I will have the courage to stand up and really tell him what my little liaison cost me.

As most of you know, my husband has started having a few health issues. He talked with his doctor today and the news is stressful at best.

When he went to get his blood work done, they notice his lungs looked "cloudy" on his chest x-ray. They scheduled a CAT scan last week. Today they told him over the phone that he has 2 nodules on his right lung.

Needless to say, I am very worried. I have started doing a little research on the net to find out what all of this means. Apparently, size matters in this case. The smaller the nodule, the more likely it is benign. If this is something that has shown up on previous x-rays, CAT scans, etc. and has not grown in size, that is also encouraging.

"D" says that he has not had a chest x-ray recently. but, I think he has when he was diagnosed with pneumonia a few months ago.

I have to keep telling myself that God knew we would face this and He already knows the outcome. I have prayed that God would do whatever it takes to show my husband that he needs God in his life. I don't know if this is his wake-up call or not. I am praying that this will be the catalyst that opens his eyes.

I would like to say that we have had a wonderful marriage and have always been kind and considerate of one another. I would like to say that he is my best friend and has always been so. But the truth is we have clashed more than I would care to recount. We are like 2 bulls in a china shop. We have hurt one another in many ways over the years.

But, I still love him. I still cannot picture my life without him in it. If given the chance to do things over again, like most of you I would change a lot in my life. But, I would still want him to be a part of it.

We have forgiven each other much. We have learned from some of our mistakes and seemed to be destined to constantly repeat others. But, God has gotten us through much. He has shown me my own shortcomings and given me the humility to go to my husband and confess these same shortcomings to him.

Now God is getting us both through this in a way that we can handle. I just pray that His way with "D" is the way that leads to the cross.

Hubs is having yet more health issues. They seem to stem from one incident. I am hoping that he/we can resolve some of this so he feels better and in turn we are better together.

Several years ago, he had surgery to remove a cyst from his shoulder. Because of the size and location,he suffered permanent nerve damage. This has caused continued chronic pain. Some days it is so bad I have to help him get dressed. To help alleviate the pain, he uses the Duragesic Patch. This is a serious pain medication with many side effects. He decided to go this route after many, many other methods were used to no avail. When "D" has breakthrough pain, it can be bad. I hate those days. Even when he is getting on my last nerve, I hate to see him like that.

He has been having other symptoms that we just thought were part of the side effects of the patch. Fatigue, irritability, loss of sex drive,sweats, clammy skin you get the drift. The problem is that he will not go to the doctor about any of this until I start acting stupid about it.

He sees his pain Dr. every month but, not a regular M.D. Finally, after being unable to rid himself of this crud that has been going around, he goes. Since this is a new DR., he wants to be through. I don't have a problem with this since it has been so long since "D" had a real physical. Among other things that he is being tested for, they are testing his testosterone level. The last time he had this tested it was 80. The normal level for a man his age is 300-1200. Need I say more? I have been living with an 80 year old man in a 40 year old body.

There are some foods that will boost your levels naturally,but since his is so low right now he will have to have injections or possibly pills until his levels are higher. Here are some other foods that help build/boost testosterone.

I encourage the men who read me, to please get your levels tested. It is a simple blood test and could change your outlook. D's doctor told him this was the equivalent of going through menopause. I am hoping that we can resolve this so that I will get my 40 year old back. Since he is acting 80, I could trade him in on four 20 year olds:)

Being in the gaming industry, I have seen a lot. I have seen men and women do some of the most disgusting and private things in public with no concern for their own dignity. It takes a lot to shock me I am sad to say.

But tonight, I was actually shocked. I was speaking with another co-worker and she started telling me things I wish she had kept to herself. This was one of those one-sided conversations. She did most of the talking and all I could do was stand there and gawk with my jaw dropping.

She starts telling me who has slept with this one and that one and I was flabbergasted. Men and women that I thought were above such things. Married people sleeping with other married people.

I am not an innocent by any stretch of the imagination. I know this goes on everywhere. When you work in a mini version of Sodom and Gomorrah, you come to expect this. But gimme a break people!

Marriage takes work. A lot of work. Everyday. All day. I have been married twice. The first time, I was very young and we just parted ways. But not before I became the cheater. This time I was the hurt wife. So I know what it feels like on both sides of the fence. Trust me when I tell you, it sucks either way.

I am much closer to God now than I was in my first marriage. This does make a difference to me. I was more willing to try and work things out. But not before I acted down right Wal Martish about the whole thing. Why he wanted to stay with me still baffles me. But we both decided to work it out. And it is still hard even after all these years.

Do I still think about it? Not so much anymore. Do I worry that he will cheat again? No. I had grounds for divorce in the eyes of God and he wanted to go the whole counseling route. That was UGLY. But we got through it. Are we stronger now? Yes and no. Some things just take longer to heal than others.

If you aren't willing to face your problems together and work them out, why hurt someone else with your own selfish desires? I have no tolerance for this in any marriage. It infuriates me to no end. Now people I actually liked and enjoyed working with are forever tarnished in my eyes. I wish she had just kept her bloody mouth shut. I didn't ask for this information and now I wish I never heard any of it.

I know Heart's song has nothing to do with cheating, but in the spirit of slang, "strange" is a good "g" word for my subject matter.

Today is my 18th wedding anniversary. I can't believe I am still with the same man after all these years. To be sure it has been very trying at times for both of us. We have really put each other through the wringer.

But today we are celebrating the fact that we are still beating the odds. I thought I would post some of my more memorable moments that I think of when the thrill is on vacation.

There was the time my daughter B wanted a Barbie car for Christmas. She was about 4 or 5 and she never asked for anything. Not before that and not really since. Barbie cars were really hot then and we searched high and low to no avail. We knew a girl that worked at Wal Mart and there was one car at her store. It was in the back because the box was damaged. She saved if for us and Doug waited in line with this car for hours. Even had some guy offer him 200.00 for it. Doug told him if he came home without that car he was more than dead meat. We had only been married about 3 years and this was a very big deal to me.

Then there was the time he fixed me a reading space for Valentine's Day. He didn't like me isolating myself to read, so he created a space for me that was in the front of the house but still quiet enough for me to read.

When my son decided things were greener away from home at the age of 16, Doug backed me up on every decision I made. He helped me to track him down, talked with the police, sat in court with me and gave me advice that everyone else was afraid to give me.

My most touching memory has to be this last one. We were separated and not for the last time, Doug wanted to get back together. This was a bad separation and I just was not sure that we could go on as a couple. We discussed some of the major reasons we were apart. I told him that I just didn't know if I still loved him. His words to me were, "That's okay. I can love you enough for both of us." That was the clincher for me. He was willing to be with me knowing that I may never trust him again. Knowing that I may never believe another word he ever spoke to me again. Knowing that I may always question if not aloud at least to myself, every move he made.

We have come a long way since then. We still have our issues to be sure, but we are always looking more for the compromise than the all or nothing. I think I will keep him a while longer.

I certainly hope this morning is not a pretext to my week. I was so busy last week that I did not get a chance to start all this painting I have to do. I had planned to start it today. I get all my paint ready, clear the room and decide to move all my painting equipment inside before I prep the walls. Well, I can find everything except my friggin' paintbrushes. Where are they, you ask? My hubs has decided to use them in his little home repair venture and now not only are they no where to be found, but I am almost positive they won't be of any use to me when they are located.

This is a serious pet peeve of mine. Don't touch my stuff. We both know you (a) won't put it back where you found it and (b) if you do somehow remember that it isn't yours to just throw anywhere, it won't be fit to use again because (c) you didn't clean it properly.

I know that some of you will comment and tell me I should just talk to him and ask him to not use my things if he cannot be considerate. After 18 years of marriage, this horse is dead. He doesn't take care of his own things, so I already know that he won't take care of mine. That is why I have said on numerous occasions, "Leave my stuff alone." Usually he listens now since I have really lost my temper over things like this. But something possessed him to take my brushes and now I have to go buy new ones. I am really angry over this and since I don't want to say something I will regret later, I am passing this on to ya'll. I hate to dump on all of you but at least I am avoiding an argument and I am getting this out before I talk to him. I hope. Besides, I know ya'll will understand and I can move on to bigger and more important things like what sounds good with the Cornish hens I am cooking tonight.

My newest quest is to learn to respect my husband as directed by God in the Bible. This is no easy task. We as a society have been taught that respect should be earned not given especially not given unconditionally.

The book of 1Peter is clear about our roles as husband and wives. We are to remain respectful to our husbands even if they are non-believers by our demeanor and speech. Even if they act or speak in a way that we deem unworthy of our respect. This is an insurmountable task for us all. But it is a task worth undertaking if we are to be the wives God intended us to be.

What I am learning about myself and other women that I observe, is that what we do more often than not, is hold our husbands in contempt. We do this in public with our looks and tone of voice. But in private, our words cut straight to the heart. Then we wonder why they don't act loving towards us. This is a vicious cycle that a lot of marriages/relationships get in.

Contempt is such a hateful word. When I realized that this is what we are feeling when we disrespect our husbands, I was alarmed to say the least. I love my husband warts and all. I could never hold him in contempt could I? Yes I have is the honest answer.

Having faced this harsh truth about myself, I now have to change the way I think of my husband. If I desire that he love me unconditionally, then I must learn to respect unconditionally. This does not mean that we won't fight. That is an unrealistic dream. But when we do, I will be able to voice my view with a more tender heart towards him and in doing so maybe, just maybe, the respect I feel for him will shine through.

Yesterday hubs and I had a nasty argument. It started out as a conversation and ended up with insults and colorful language all around. All over politics. I am sick of politics. So much so that I told him I would no longer be having any discussion centered around politics with him anymore. I know this sounds like an impossible task, but I think I can do it.

In all fairness to him, he did come back home and apologize to me for what he said. To which I replied that world famous "Okay". All of you know the tone I used and the meaning behind it so I won't bore you with all of that. He just looks and me and says, "I thought you might apologize too." Well, I didn't and I should have. I was still angry and hurt by the names he called me and frankly, I just wanted to bask in my anger a little longer.

So this morning I have been thinking about what words like humble, humility, and meek mean and how they apply to me. The English language has evolved to the degree that we use words like this as an insult to one's inner strength. Since this was my misconception, I felt that I was within my rights to still be angry. Notice how the focus is on me and not what God would have me do? So, I have listed these 3 words below with their meanings so we can all know what a meek and humble person is like.

Humble - 1. Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful.
2. Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology.
3. Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage.
Adjective
1. conscious of one's failings
2. modest and unpretentious: humble domestic objects
3. ordinary or not very important: humble beginnings

Humility - the quality of being humble and modest; a disposition to be humble; a lack of false pride

Meek - 1. Showing patience and humility; gentle.
2. Easily imposed on; submissive.

Adjective
humble in spirit or manner; suggesting retiring mildness or even cowed submissiveness; "meek and self-effacing" mild, modest humble - marked by meekness or modesty; not arrogant or prideful

Now that I know the meanings of these words, I think I can apologize to hubs with the right spirit and with a sense of humility without losing my dignity and self-respect. I feel it important for him to know that while I am sorry for the names I called him and the colorful language that I used, I should still be able to voice my opinion without fear of insults to my person.

While I realize that we will have disagreements, I am hopeful that in the future I can remember what I have learned today and be more of an example not only to my husband but to others also.

My prayer partner and I were talking the other day and she related a story to me that I want to share. I told her I was going to blog about this and she just laughed. It is a good story.
This is a story written by a Doctor in the Mental Health profession. I don't remember his name but the story is true.

This Dr. states that when his patients were in a particular mental health facility and thought they were "cured", they would have to pass the following exercise.

They were place in a room with the following: mop, bucket, running spigot. They were told to clean up the mess. If they turned the water off FIRST, they were ready to leave. If they tried to mop up the water with the water running, they were not.

How many times do we do this? We are in some sort of mess and we mop and mop but the water keeps coming. The harder we mop, the more water we have. We argue with God, question God, blame God.(Why is this happening to me? Why don't you fix this or punish them? Where is my blessing?)

What does God say to this? "Turn off the water." Once we do what we know God is telling us to do, then and only then can we clean up the mess. There will still be consequences, there always is, but we know that God is in control and we can survive the outcome.

As I look at my own life, I have to say, I have a whole system of spouting spigots! I am learning to turn the water off, but this is not always an easy thing to do. I have an agenda of my own, but I have a feeling that God has His own agenda for me. Something tells me that my agenda won't line up with His:)

So, if you are having issues that you seem to be drowning in, turn off the water!!

I heard a man named Tommy Nelson on the radio today. Until a few days ago, I knew nothing about him. Apparently, his claim to fame is his work on the Song of Solomon. While I could not find the book for free on the net, I did find several websites that offer his materials.

I also heard Adrian Rogers preach on this book last week. So I decided to write a post and share some of the insights I received from what I have learned.

I am only going to talk about Chapter 2:15 which states, "Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom."

Personally, I cannot ever remember hearing a sermon on this particular book of the Bible. We all know it is there, we have all read parts of it or all of it at one time, but we just don't talk about it.

If you compare this verse to our relationships with our partners, you can see how we let the little things get in until they become big things. Foxes are known for their destruction of the young shoots from the grape vines in the vineyards. They will also eat the grapes. So the Shulamite woman is telling Solomon to tend to the little sins before they become big sins.

This has caused me to look at my own marriage and ask myself, "What little sins have I not taken care of? Am I allowing my own sins to go unchecked while I dwell on my husband's? What are the repercussions of my action(s), or lack thereof?"

Since doing the Love Dare, I have been reflecting a lot on my own attitude and actions where my husband is concerned. So I will be tending to the little foxes in my life post haste.

I check Family life Today's website and they posted one final love dare for Valentine's Day. This is very easy and we can all do it so I am for one am glad of that!

Day 40 - Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. (Ruth 1:16 - But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.)

Sorry i was not able to post this yesterday. They did not post it until after I left for work. If you are not able to do this today, maybe for your anniversary or your spouse's birthday of a "just because" day. We women like those days you know:)

Happy Valentine's Day to all and I hope you have a very romantic day with your special someone!

This is the last post I think. I will check later today and see if they have a day 40. I don't know if I will continue to give everyone updates on how I am doing with all of theses. We were supposed to be ending on Valentine's Day and I have fallen behind. I might do one more update over the weekend, but I don't know if I will have time to post more than one more update. So here are the rest of the dares up to day 39.

Day 37 - Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. (Matthew 18:19 - Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.)

Day 38 - Ask yourself what your spouse would want if it was obtainable, then map out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires. (Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.)

Day 39 - Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Leave it in a place where you mate will find it. (I Corinthians 13:8 - Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.)

For those of you that are interested, these were taken from Family Life Today and you can go to their website and see them all. They are based on the book "The Love Dare" that was featured in the movie, "Fireproof". The book is available in paperback. I saw a copy at WalMart last week so I am sure you can get it just about anywhere.

I hope that you and your spouse have enjoyed doing these together. The purpose is not to make you uncomfortable, but to help you and your spouse grow closer together and in the Lord. I have learned a great deal about what kind of wife I truly am and what kind of wife God desires me to be. I have made some steps in the right direction and I can truly see a difference in my relationship with my husband. My prayer life has also changed. I pray differently for him now in some areas and more fervently in others. This exercise has also shown more about who God is and how He feels about marriage. I can honestly say that I hold my marriage in a higher regard because of this.

Happy Valentine's Day to all and kiss your spouse like you are going off to war today!

Since Valentine's Day is Saturday, I am going to try and get all of these in within the next few posts. Just think, if you have been able to do even 1 or 2 of these, how much your spouse has appreciated all of your efforts! I congratulate all of you on attempting to do this with me, and I thank all of you for your encouragement along the way. Here are the next 4 dares.

Day 33 - Tell your spouse that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. (Ecclesiastes 4:11 - Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?)

Day 34 - Verbally commend your spouse about a recent time when they demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. (I Corinthians 13:6 - Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.)

Day 35 - Find a Christian marriage mentor. Ask God to direct your decisions and discernment. ( Proverbs 15:22 - Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.)

Day 36 - Commit to reading the bible every day. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to reading with you. (Psalm 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.)

Well, we are almost done with our love dare! Only about 2 weeks to go. I hope you have enjoyed doing this with your spouse and that you have grown closer because of it.
Here are our next 3 dares.

Day 30 - Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse and, if appropriate, discuss it openly and seek God for unity. (John 17:11 - I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one.)

Day 31 - Commit to God and your spouse to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship. (Genesis 2:24 - For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.)

Day 32 - If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your spouse today (in a way that honors them). (I Corinthians 7:3 - The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.)

Since it is a given that day 32 will be the favorite of most if not all of us, there will be no need for me to update ya'll on that:) I did want to give you a definition of the word honor since over time the English language has undergone numerous changes in the meaning of words.

Honor - The word in Hebrew means “heavy.” We do have something similar in English: “gravity.” To honor a person is to consider everything about that person with gravity--with weight--with seriousness. In the English language, the meaning is: Esteem due or paid to worth; high estimation; respect; consideration; reverence; veneration; manifestation of respect or reverence.

Here is the rest of my updates.

Day 17 - I don't really tell Doug's secrets. I do vent if we have a disagreement not always to the right person. So I have been very careful about how I talk about him to others. I have made a point of talking only in good terms about him and only about things that show his love for me and the kids. This has really helped me to see him in a different way and softened my heart towards him.

Day 18 - Since I work nights, and have so much stuff to do on my days off, I don't cook that much. Everyone here is grown so we pretty much fend for ourselves. So any meal I cook is a special meal! I have made a serious effort to cook more since his hours have changed. He loves it!!

Day 19 - I consider this day a personal day between God and me. So I won't delve into it or ask you to reveal anything either.

Days 20 and 21 - See day 19

Day 22 - This is not easy if you have had serious problems in the past. Trust may be lost, love may have withered, any number of things could have happened. Doug and I have experienced just about every problem a marriage can go through. I can only speak for myself on this one. I just had to ask God to show me how to love him. God has been so merciful to me and shown me more about this area than I thought possible. I know that I am still married because of God and His many blessings and mercy towards me.

Day 23 - Most people think of the obvious on this one. Porn, unhealthy "friendships", stuff like that. For me, it is stuff I do everyday that I put before Doug. So instead of removing, I have had to re prioritize things.

I still have not caught up! I have not done anything past Day 23! It is really hard when you work different shifts with different days off. We are trying to get it together so I still might get to finish this and implement some new tools to help my marriage. I hope all of you are hanging in there and I look forward to hearing how you are doing!

The last time I updated ya'll on my dares, I was on day 9. I am really behind on these posts! Time to catchup on all of them.

Day 10 - I don't usually up Doug's laundry. So I did that and cleaned up his area in the computer room.

Day 11 - This is not an easy one for me. I often feel that I am taken advantage of, so it was hard to do this with a smile on my face and in my heart. But I ran his errands for him. I even called him while I was out to see if I could do something for him. He was in shock! This is something that I am trying to keep up. Not just this day, but all of the days so far.

Day 12 - Do you men have any idea how hard this is without saying "Fine" in that tone we have?! I have not totally succeeded in doing this on a regular basis, but I am trying.

Day 13 - We covered this on day 5. So far, so good.

Day 14 - This was not that hard. Doug likes to watch a lot of tv so I started spending more time with him doing that. I don't sit in front of it for hours, but I have made a point to be with him in the evenings more in stead of reading or talking on the phone too much.

Day 15 - This is not easy. We tend to have different beliefs as to what honor and respect mean. What I decided to do was speak more kindly to him and really listen to his opinions on things that I normally tune out. Not so easy! When you stop and think about how much you just tune out, you are surprised at what you are not listening to. This is a habit I am really trying to break not only with him, but others also.

Day 16 - This is a normal thing for me to do so I have been okay with this. Can I tell a difference? Yes! Mainly in how I view my husband and the way I react or interact with him. By changing myself, we have become better together.

Since I am so behind in this, I didn't want a really long post so I am ding this in parts. So part 2 is coming up! Let me know how all of you are doing with this and if you can see a change in your relationships.