Dementia for 2

I know I have not blogged in months and I must admit I have just not been in to it for a while.
A lot has happened in my life and I think I am still trying to get the dizziness to stop. I will try to stay on point with this but please bear in mind it has been awhile!

My daughter "B" moved to Florida about 2 months ago. I miss her terribly and am afraid she made this move too soon and without enough preparation. But, she is young and I am sure she will be okay it is just going to take her a little longer than she anticipated.

We drove from Elvisland to Palm Coast with all of her stuff. I am not going to go into all the gory details because I am not sure I can do it without using some colorful adjectives. Suffice it to say I do not want to make a trip like that again anytime soon.

I managed to get separated from B and hubs just outside of  Tuskegee Al. Even though I know how bad the economy is, I was not prepared for what I saw there. Empty houses, abandoned buildings, overgrown lots, it was quite disheartening. I realized at that moment that our country is "closing up shop" one small town at a time.

I look around the small town that I live in and and I think that since we are so close to a large city, I just didn't really "see" what was going on. Large chains have bought up most of the mom and pop type stores here. Pawn shops and Title Loan offices are everywhere.

Housing is just horrible. Builders are just now starting back up and even then it is very slow. Rental property has loan shark pricing and that is for a borderline decent house in a borderline neighborhood. Apartments are worse.

I hate to see all these little towns just cease to exist. I don't think that the powers that be have even given it a second thought. the brass ring isn't found in a small town. But, if you are a farmer and you have to travel over 50 miles just to buy a loaf of bread, what's the point? We are losing the family farm to the bigger corporate farming companies and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

I hate to think that my hometown will one day cease to exist along with so many others. But, the last time I was home, the last breath was being drawn. I don't know the solution to this problem but I do know that soon the American small town will be spoken of like so many things.....in the past tense.

I have not written about Granny in a while, so much has been happening that I really don't know where to begin. Maybe I can just number them in no particular order.

1. Shortly after I started recovering from pneumonia, my grandmother contracted pneumonia. Since she has received the shot to prevent this, we were surprised that she became ill. Mom had her admitted to a different hospital farther away from home this time. It was discovered that Granny aspirates on thin liquids such as water, coffee, etc. Hence the bout with pneumonia. The doctor prescribed a thickener for her liquids so maybe this will help.

2. Since no one can care for your family to suit you, there are always problems with Granny's care. Since mom is no longer working, she is spending most of her time with Granny and this issue has come to the surface. There are serious issues with more than one aide and mom has tried to resolve them in such a way as to allow at least a civil relationship. However, not everyone is this mature. This has led to a letter writing campaign followed by numerous phone calls. The outcome is still undecided but, I am worried about both my mom and grandmother.

3. Mom is trying to see if Granny qualifies for Medicare Home Health Care. Since the qualifications are very specific, we are not sure if Granny is even in the running for this. Mom is going to make some calls and try and set up an appointment with Granny's doctor to see if this is a viable option. Since Granny needs so much equipment, lift, hospital bed, wheelchair, etc. I am not sure all of this will be covered by Medicare. I don't know if you can rent any of this or what the cost will be. Mom thinks this will be the best thing for both she and Granny but, I worry that she may not be thinking this through.

Overall, Granny is doing very well. Since her discharge from the hospital, she has been a little difficult when it comes to taking any medication. She just flat out refuses to take any if mom is trying to give it to her. No one has figured out what is going on with her concerning this yet.

Yesterday she was talking to people in her room that were not there. This is a new development and does have us a little concerned. I do hope that when mom goes to visit her today, she will be more like herself. I know a lot of people say that their family members experienced similar things shortly before they passed on. However, my father in law talked with people for months before he died. I am not as concerned as mom but then again, I have dealt with Granny's "spells" more than mom.

I hope you all have a great weekend and hopefully I will have better news in my next post.

I have not blogged in a while due to my illness. It has taken me quite a while to get over this bout of pneumonia. I think I am finally out of the woods.

Granny has been in the hospital for a week battling the same thing. They also found fluid build up on her heart. The doctor has decided to treat her with aspirin. We are praying that this works out for her. She should be going back to the nursing home today.

I don't usually write about my family in such a frank way, but I fell compelled to tell my son's story. I am hoping this will help others that are dealing with similar situations.

"J" has an addictive personality. He is very soft hearted and compassionate and children are just drawn to him. However, he like all of us has made some very poor life decisions. The main one being his love of drugs. He thinks I am blind to this because I don't always say something about his condition when I know he is strung out.

A few months ago he moved to Texas. This was very hard for me to deal with since I have never been separated from either of my children. We talked about this decision before he left and we both knew this was the best move for him at the time. "J" moved there specifically to dry out. He spent 2 weeks in hard withdrawal before he could even leave the house.

Once he was clean, he started trying to find work. I don't have to tell any of you how incredibly hard that is right now. Things did not work out for him for a variety of reasons and he is now back at home. I am overjoyed that he is here. He has been able to secure a job through the help of family and friends. Best of all I have the "J" that I know and love back.

The lesson he still has not learned will probably lead him back to his old lifestyle. This lesson is simple. You cannot hang out in the same places with the same people if you are clean. These people will constantly try to get you to partake in the things you used to do. Right now he is still able to say no. But I fear there will come a day when he will be unable to say no. I have been there done that.

He and I have talked about this at length. I have explained to him that the next time he gets in this situation it will be worse and much harder to get clean. I cannot make him change these things in his environment. I am praying for him and when it comes up we do talk about it. But the fear for him is great in me.

If you are in a similar situation, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you change your environment. These people are not your friends. Those old haunts of yours are not safe. Everything must be different if you are to succeed in your quest to remain clean.

My son has decided albeit rather quickly, to leave for Texas. I know I should be excited for him. This is a new adventure. A chance to "start fresh". A very enviable position to be in for sure. Why can't I stop crying if this is so great?

But I am a mom with all of a mom's fears and worries. I am afraid that he is running from himself. That has a way of catching up to you rather quickly. I worry that he will get out there and get stuck and have to much pride to call home. I worry that it will be to easy to forget he has a son here that loves and adores him. I worry he will get mixed up with the wrong crowd again and this time the outcome will be very dire indeed.

But, I also know that this may be the only way God can reach him. It may take some hard knocks away from mom and her "help" to get right with God again. How do you "let go and let God?" What does that really mean?

A new page is turning for all of us. I am not sure he even realizes how much he means to so many. Since his conception I have never been separated from him or his sister. If this is what cutting the apron strings feels like, you can keep it.

I am going to miss the late night conversations, early morning breakfasts, card games and board games. I am going to miss waking up and finding out he has come and raided the fridge in the night. No more teasing him about cutting his hair or all the constant calls from the fairer sex. No weekend cook outs and trick or treating with little "J".

I am going to truly miss my son.

I hate being in limbo! I want to know what is going on and when changes are coming. I have never been one for surprises so I don't do well with indecision.

We are STILL going around and around with the bank over our house! Once again they have sent us a foreclosure notice with "options" that are available. This is the second time we have gone through this. We have sent paperwork to all the necessary people involved in the short sale 3 TIMES! Yet they still don't seem to know what is going on.

We have not even bothered to look seriously at other places to live because of this. From what I have looked at, it looks kind of grim for us. Since the housing bust, rental property has skyrocketed. Apartments are just as high.

I have been packing stuff up that I know I won't need any time soon and donating tons of stuff that I just refuse to move. I have also been building a flowerbed for my friend Carla. She is the mother of my grandson and she is wheel chair bound. So, I have been taking some of my plants over there to fix her backyard up so she will have something pretty to look at.

Hopefully, we can find affordable housing soon and start over. I will have to put most of my stuff in storage if we move to an apartment due to space issues. Fortunately, it is just tools and the like so we can do without those until we can afford to get something larger.

While I know that God is in control of all of this, I still have apprehensive feelings about all of it. I am worried about the move. I worry that we will get somewhere and something terrible will happen and we won't be able to afford it. I worry that we will be stuck there for YEARS. I worry about starting over at my age. I know that I shouldn't be so stressed out over this but, I can't seem to help myself.

Life just shouldn't be this HARD all the time! I know that we brought a lot of this on ourselves. I know that we have to pay for the consequences of our actions. That seems to be all I do anymore. Pay for decisions. When does it stop? At what point is it enough?

Enough whining! We will get through this one way or another. God will be there every step of the way and my faith will be stronger when all this is over. That is truly all that matters.

Mom and I have been battling health issues that would be contagious to Granny lately so it has been a bit since I have been to visit her. My sister has been trying to pick up the slack.

Mom has HFM,and I have poison ivy. during all of this my sister developed pink eye. I told my brother in law he should take a photo of us posing as the 3 monkeys.



Apparently, Granny also had pink eye. Since mom and I were unaware of the signs of this, it is good that my sister contracted this while she was helping with Granny. She is the one that knew what she was seeing and made sure Granny received the proper medical care.

Sis has been helping keep Granny in clean clothing and the like. She also disinfected her room since I have been unable to get up there. While she is with Granny, her every move is watched. Granny has not spent a lot of time with her so she is not sure just exactly who she is. Sis called during one visit and mom spoke with Granny via phone. I think that Granny knew she was speaking to mom because she said, "That woman is here again." I think that is so funny! I can just see Granny watching my sister's every move and not saying a word. I am sure that when she left Granny took inventory of her stuff.

My poison ivy has cleared up enough that I was able to go and visit yesterday. She really looks good and we had a great visit. We did the mani-pedi thing and she really enjoyed teasing me.

I think I am going to call "That Woman" today and let her know just how much it means to mom and I that she took the time to help during all this. We are not sure just when mom will be able to go and see Granny again maybe another week or so. They miss each other terribly and I know that mom will be glad to be done with this illness so she can get back to being momma.

When you think of being kind, what comes to your mind? This is a discussion I have been having with others lately. The answers have been as varied as the individuals. I must confess I myself seem to have a perverted sense of just exactly what this word means.

According to the dictionary, the word kind means:

1. Of a friendly, generous, or warm-hearted nature.
2. Showing sympathy or understanding; charitable: a kind word.
3. Humane; considerate: kind to animals.
4. Forbearing; tolerant.
5. Generous; liberal.
6. Agreeable; beneficial.

The reason that I bring this up is a study I have been doing on the Fruit of the Spirit. One of the characteristics listed is kindness. I have put this study down because I have realized that I do not want to be kind. I consider it a sign of weakness. I see kind people pushed around all day and I do not want that to be me. But God desires that I be a kind person.

I keep running all these scenarios in my mind and I always seem to feel angry and defensive just thinking about them. To be kind in the face of rudeness or verbal abuse or just plain indifference is a very daunting task.

To be kind I have to be forbearing when my husband speaks to me in a sharp or condescending tone unnecessarily. I have to have a warm heated nature in spite of the things that are being said or done to me. That is definitely not in my nature. I am more apt to tell you exactly what I think and can be quite sharp in doing so.
I do not want to come across as a cold hearted person but at the same time I do not want to be a doormat either.

Kindness is more about actions to me but I am coming to the realization that kindness is about words and attitude also. Some of the people I have spoken with have politeness confused with kindness. While I do feel that these two things can go hand in hand, I also think you have have one without the other.

I tend to use my work environment as an excuse for being unkind. The problem with that is that Christ walked with the lowest of the low and still remained kind.That tells me that it is possible to be kind regardless of your environment. I also want to use my past as a crutch. While my past has shaped me it does not have to rule me.

I am not sure if I will be able to understand enough to conquer my trepidation over this issue. I do know that God has convicted me about this and if I am to progress in my journey, I must make some changes in my thinking.

I am not a Doctor by any stretch of the imagination. I read a lot and I ask a lot of questions. Sometimes too many questions. My mother spent a lot of time in various hospitals when I was younger so I learned at an early age how to "talk" to Doctors. Most of us trust our physicians and do not ask a lot of questions. Some of us do not want to appear ignorant and also, do not ask a lot of questions.

My uncle has been hospitalized for the last 2 weeks. What started as the flu turned into pneumonia and ended with him hallucinating in his own home. These were very serious hallucinations. Once he was taken to the hospital he became combative and they restrained and sedated him.....for over a week. I am not sure but I thought it was illegal to restrain anyone in a hospital setting. One of his sons managed to get him moved to a larger, more equipped hospital in a nearby town. Once there it was discovered that his heart was only pumping at 20%. I think that the fact that his brain was not getting enough oxygen could have caused the hallucinations. A stint was placed in him on Monday. Everyone felt this would "cure" the problems and he could go home today.

Last night he started with the hallucinations again. I know that some drugs have side affects that include hallucinations. I don't know if he is getting these drugs and his children are not asking about it. They have decided to take him home and have him look at photo albums and the like to see if this will bring him back to reality. There will also be a nurse that will come and help to care for him.

Now, I don't want to be too critical of this decision, but, I can't help but wonder what these men are thinking. There are too many things that could go wrong with this scenario. I know they have removed all the ammunition from his home. They were afraid of the repercussions if the actual guns were removed. But they are leaving this man alone in his home with his car keys with little or no supervision.

I am not close to my family so I don't know that they would listen to any advice I could offer. I have made some suggestions to my mother so she can relay for me. Mom is infinitely more tactful than I. I pray that they have more tests run and decide against taking him home until they know exactly what is going on in his brain.

Shortly after my last post I received a call from our Realtor. Apparently, things were crossed in the mail, email, phone space time continuum. Seems as though BAC did receive everything in a timely manner and we are back on track with the short sale.

This is good news on many fronts. I am truly grateful to God for removing these walls that have been a constant thorn in my side over this whole deal. Maybe now I can get some sleep.

I still have some things to get rid of before I start storing our items until we find a place to live. Since this could take a few months, I have not really started looking at rental property. Since the son has moved back home for a while, and from the looks of things he is going to be with us for at least a year, we can look at rental houses instead of apartments. This is also a big plus since we have a German Shepard that will cost us a fortune in pet deposits.

Hubs and I have really enjoyed having our son back at home for a while. We get to see the grandson more and I am able to discuss some of said son's decisions with him. I don't know if I have made an impact on him, but I continue to pray that he will come to his senses as it were. He has started to understand that a lot of his issues are self inflicted and he really does need to make some life changes and soon. Whether or not he actually will is another story. I seem to like my own little hamster wheel as you all know so who am I to judge?

My dear sister is also dealing with children issues. She and her husband have had to confront their daughter concerning her choice of friends. Since my niece is grown, there isn't a whole lot that they can do. However, they have laid down ground rules concerning who is/is not welcome in their home. This is not an easy conversation to have with your child at any time and I truly feel for them. While nothing was openly admitted, nothing was denied. My sister and her husband are strong in their faith and I know God will see them through this storm as long as they continue to lean on Him.

I think the hardest thing to deal with in a difficult parent/child issue is all the memories that are stirred up. I tend to think about all the mistakes that I have made not only as a parent but also as a wretched child. I was truly horrible. I don't know how my poor mother survived it all. I have definitely "paid for my raising".

The upside to all of this is that God can take all this and turn it into something good and wonderful and for that I am truly grateful.

My son has been angry most of his life. I don't think he remembers a time when he was not angry. Anger that is buried that deep not only becomes who you are but you reach a point when that is all you know. You can forget why you are angry, but, you never lose the anger.

I have been praying for my son for a very long time. This past week many prayers have been answered on his behalf. "J" finally faced the fact that this anger is destroying him from the inside out. He also realized just how long he has been angry and why.

This was accomplished solely through the work of God. I am so grateful to my Lord for the work He is doing in "J". I know that this is a process and will take quite a while, but I also know that he will get through this.

Forgiveness is the key. He is having an extremely hard time with this. It is very hard to forgive someone that has hurt you deeply. Especially when you were an innocent child and your entire life has been affected by this act. He is taking baby steps right now and is very vulnerable. I pray that he remains strong in his faith and what he knows to be true.

We spent hours talking and praying about this and how he should handle this. God has been so merciful and long suffering with my son. I know many people that are trying to deal with their own anger. Anger at family members,co-workers, neighbors, and friends. Their anger has manged to seep into every facet of their lives. They are bitter and miserable. The thing is they don't even realize this has happened. Some are justified but, most are not. Some, like my son, may be justified in being angry but have become sinful in their anger. I have been this person. I could become this person again. But, I know the long road I had to travel and what it has cost me. I am very unwilling to travel that road again.

I am thankful that my son has come to this point in his life. I pray that he will continue to make his way back to the "narrow path". He did tell me yesterday that he had the best day he has had in a long while. How great is that! To know that our Lord blessed this tortured young man with a good day and he was so happy to know that it can happen.....even to him.....even to you.

I am sorry to say Granny's daffodils did not last as long this year as they did last year. I think maybe this crazy weather we having been having had something to do with it. I am hoping to have more for her this week. The weather here is really strange this time of year anyway and it seems to be more so this year than any other.

My grandmother grew up in a very poor house. She really never had any real toys that she has ever spoken of. In her later years, she started collecting porcelain dolls. She used to tell me that she never had any dolls as a little girl so she bought them now. I try to buy her at least one new one on special days. If possible, I buy more. She has enough now that we can switch them out and she feels like she has new dolls.

This past Christmas I bought her four dolls from a friend of mine. They have been in her room since December. Last week while we were talking, she notices the dolls. She starts talking about the new dolls and telling me they were new. I cannot tell you how nice it was to have a conversation with Granny that we both could participate in. Usually, I talk with her but she isn't able to follow the conversation that well.

I have thought about this a lot this week. There has been so much bad news in my life lately and more seems to arrive everyday. I am very thankful that God gave me this little ray of sunshine through my Granny.

I am really starting to get mad about this whole house thing. This will probably be my venting post. Please forgive me in advance.

First of all hubs waits until the last minute to do ANYTHING. I cannot begin to tell you how this truly aggravates me to no end. So, he waits until the 59th minute of the 11th hour on the last day to finally get all the paperwork filled out. BAC being the cooperative company that they are, kicks it back because he crossed out ONE item. When he calls them to find out if they got the second pristine copy, they tell him no. Mind you it took me sitting down at the computer and starting one of my world famous scathing emails for him to even call them.

Once he gets someone on the phone, we find out that they have not received the second set of paperwork. So, I have been trying to get the realtor to resend the paperwork since FRIDAY.

I am really tired of this whole mess. Normally hubs' procrastination only affects his "honey do" list and I can deal with that. But this is something else entirely and I am about ready to light a serious fire under his behind. I will probably include my realtor in this endeavour as well. I am getting off my gripe box now.

"The boy" has moved back home on a temporary basis. I have really enjoyed having him back here for a while. We get to spend more time with the grandson and that is never a bad thing. I am very close to my kids, so I really like having him around a little more even if it is only for a short while.

Granny has been doing really well these days. Spring is right around the corner and she loves that time of year. Everything is in bloom and it seems to make her more alert. I am going to try and go see her this week. My daffodils are in bloom and I always cut them and take them to her. She loves them and they really make her day. I really miss going to visit her and walking around her yard to see all of her plants. She used to have some beautiful flowers and plants. She has an African Violet in her room, we can't put anymore live plants in there because of space.

I hope all of my readers are doing well and I thank you all for your words of encouragement during all of this. You guys have been wonderful do listen to all of my raving and whining. I promise the next post will be much happier.

Since my previous post citing the problems we have been having finding a Realtor, God has been so good to provide one for us! I had totally forgotten about a guy that I used to work with that is now in the real estate business.

Once I was able to get in contact with him, he was eager to take on our house. He did tell me that he just sold a house using a program that is similar to ours and it took 11 months! I am not sure how long it will take to sell our house, but I am trying to get myself prepared to wait a while.

He did ask me if hubs and I had considered filing for bankruptcy to force the bank to remodify our loan. While we did discuss this, we decided that we just were not willing to go that route.

Hubs and I are hoping that this will be a fresh start for us and that we can finally get on the right track once and for all. I know that I am tired of dealing with all this stuff day after day. We do have some realistic goals set for ourselves and we are going to have to make plenty of sacrifices to reach them. But, they are not unattainable goals and in the end we will have paid our debt and that is going to be a very good feeling!

While we don't have mountains of debt, for us it is a lot. Especially when you factor in the fact that he was without steady work for 2 years. I think this is going to be a lot harder for him than for me. But, we are on the same page with all of this so hopefully, he will get with the program without too much fuss.

Now, on to Granny. She scratched herself up pretty bad in her sleep last week. Mom or I do her nails once a week. We have to cut them very short to keep her from doing just this thing. But, no matter how short we cut them, this does happen on occasion. At least there is no infection and she is healing fine. While I was there she started fussing about her bed. Apparently, they did not make it up to her satisfaction. So I remade the bed for her. She likes to make sure that the sheets are very straight and that they are not longer than her top cover. So she is taking her foot and using it to point out to me what I need to fix. Once I got it all straight, she wants me to hug her and she tells me how much she loves me and that I better not tell the others. How funny is that!

I must say that at least on the housing front, things are getting in order rather quickly. I am not sure that I am as ready for all of this as I claim to be, but, I am trying to remember that no matter when everything finally gets settled that I will be in a better place on many fronts.

Before I jump into today's post, I wanted to update ya'll on the house issue. We finally got all the paperwork together for the short sale. The representative that emailed this to us neglected to tell us that we could not send it back to her. We have to give it to a real estate agent and they in turn have their own paperwork to be filled out and then it is all sent back to them. I cannot begin to describe the frustration this causes me.

Hubs talked with a real estate agent and he has an appointment with them on Saturday. However, he did tell hubs that it could be up to 9 months before our house sells. He went on to say that most people just leave because they do not want to wait that long. Since we need the moving expense money to move, it looks like we are here until the bitter end.

Now for today's topic. I do not believe in making New Year's resolutions. I can never seem to keep them. So, I am trying a new approach this year. There is a Pastor in North Carolina that has come up with a very innovative idea. Choose just one word and work on that one word for the year. I really like this idea for a few reasons. The first is that it makes you think. What one word can I choose that would sum up what I really want to do this year? It takes the focus off of just you and places it on others. Because of my faith, it also helps me to focus on how God wants me to accomplish things.

So what is my word? Present. I want to be more present in my children's lives. I want to be more present in church, my studies and my overall relationship with God. I want to live in the present not the past. I want to be more present in my marriage.

I think this is a goal that I can accomplish and in the process, enrich not only my own life, but the lives of those around me.

So if you had to choose just one word, what would your word be? I look forward to reading what you guys come up with!

While I was studying the Word today, I learned that the reason we are to "count it all joy", is because we are drawn closer to the Lord during our times of trouble. Now I know many of you may already know this, but, to me it was a real eye opener.

I hear others and have been guilty of saying this verse a bit mordantly. I think it is because we are trying to keep from wallowing in our own self pity. But with all that has happened in my life in just the last 2 months, I do feel closer to God. So, I am learning that as I discover more about Him, I am able to feel joy despite the situation at the moment. When all this is over, and it will be eventually, I will be closer to God and stronger in my faith. That is the prize.

Now for a few updates on what is going on. Hubs talked with the bank and we are eligible for the 3000 in moving expenses which is a true blessing! At least now we know we will have the money to move.....where to I still don't know. We are required to list the house with a Realtor for at least 120 days. I don't know if it will take that long or even longer to sell. We will be allowed to stay in the house until it sells which is good for us. If it takes longer than 120 days, I am not sure what the next step is as of yet.

We have been looking at apartments and rental homes that would be close to both of our places of employment. Since we have decided to go down to one vehicle, this is a must. With property in our part of the country being at a premium, rental property is quite high. So we have decided to go much smaller. I have already started calling people to see if they need anything we would have to part with. What I cannot give away to family and friends, I will be donating to charity. I thought of having a moving sale, but the weather is just not conducive at this time for all that.

I did break down in the kitchen last night. Sometimes, it is hard to keep up my "game face". While I don't want to cry in front of others, there are times when it is hard to keep it all in.

My daughter has agreed to co-sign on an apartment for us if we need her to. Since this and other things in our past has basically shot our credit, this is a real comfort for us to know she is willing to do this for us. I am praying that it doesn't come to that. Hopefully, once this is all over we can start working on repairing some of that mess.

I do so appreciate all of the comments and words of encouragement that all of you have taken the time to send to me. They mean so much right now. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we move on to the next step in this process.

As many of you know, hubs and I have been having severe financial problems for well over a year now. It has been really hard for us to keep the necessities lately and there were times when I must confess my faith faltered.

Hubs doesn't think I should tell anyone what I am about to share with all of you, but I disagree. I think everyone should know how God is working in our lives even if we can't see it right now.

We have been trying since he was laid off to get a Home Re-modification Loan. Well, today the bank sent us a letter letting us know that this was not going to happen. At first, I was very upset. I have been praying about this house as have my family and friends for a very long time. I just couldn't believe the bank was so unwilling to work with us.

After talking with my mom and having her remind me of some of the prayers I have been praying lately, I must say I felt much better. I know that this is what God feels is best for us right now. I know that He has not forsaken us and that He will take care of us. I just don't know how. We will not be living in the streets that I do know. We can move in with the children or with my mom if we have to.

We do have some time before we have to be out of the house and I am sure that God will use this time to let us see what direction we should take. Since hubs is not a believer, this may be a difficult thing for him to understand. But, I am trusting in God to help me help him see what He wants us to do.

The good news is I can finally go through all of this clutter and get rid of some things that hubs and I have been holding on to just because we had the space. I am looking forward to moving somewhere new and I know that wherever we wind up, God will have put us there and that is all that matters to me.

I hope that some of you that are going through similar situations will gain some encouragement from us. I would not wish this on anyone. It is hard to leave the home you have been in for so long. But, nothing on this earth is permanent and I still have a lot to be thankful for.

I am holding on to the promises of God and I know that whatever happens, He will be right there with us.

A lot has happened over the Thanksgiving Holiday. God continues to bless me despite the person that I am.

Hubs got a promotion at Wal Mart which is good for us! It isn't a whole lot of money, but the extra does pay one more bill a month. He has talked with his doctor about disability so we are still looking into that option.

Granny is doing extremely well these days. Mom, my sister and myself are all mending our relationship with each other.

Finances are still very dire here. However, God has put more employment our way so we are still able to tread water. I think I will be able to keep my car from the repo man which is always a plus.

But with good news, there is always some bad. My nephew had a Grand Mal seizure while hunting about a week ago. He is 15 and this is the first time he has had a seizure of this magnitude. He had another in the Emergency Room the same day. What I have learned from talking to my sister, is that this is considered one seizure since they both happened in a 24 hour period.

They have diagnosed him with Absence Epilepsy. I am not sure of the exact diagnosis but they seem to think he will out grow them. Since this has happened, my sister has been recalling different events in his life. Since we are all prone to do this, it has helped her to remember times when he seemed to be having a Petit Mal seizure.

I cannot remember the name of the medication they are starting him on. I only know that he has to get up to a 1000mg a day. As you can see, I have a lot of research ahead of me.

My nephew, "N" is a very positive kid. This has greatly helped my sister to deal with all the changes that have hit their family. One of the side effects of the medication is weight gain. "N" feels that he can just work out more at the gym and turn it into muscle. The other side effect really excited him. Man hair! Since he is a red head, he is very fair and hairy men do not run in his family. He can't wait for the hair to start coming in! Every summer he gets a Mohawk for his summer haircut. Now he is telling him mom he can have a "Grizzly Adams" beard to go along with the Mohawk.

My sister is strong in her faith and I know God will help them to deal with this new twist in their journey. She sees Him working daily and I know that is a great encouragement to her.

I hope that you all had a very good Thanksgiving and that no one ate too much!

There are moments in my life that I just wish I could forever erase from my memory. I know that my decisions have shaped who I am. I also know that God will use my bad choices to help others for His glory. But, I really hate having to face the "old" me.

This is my second marriage and we struggle EVERY day to make it work. Like most couples, we have issues that we would rather not face, but, face them we must.

During my first marriage, I was unfaithful to my husband. I would like to be able to blame it on all kinds of mitigating factors. But the truth is, I made the choice to be unfaithful. I made the choice to lie about it and I made the choice to shift the blame to anyone but me.

Quite a number of years ago, my current husband was unfaithful to me. I don't know how far this liaison progressed before he confessed, and I don't want to know. There was a time when that would have been important to me, but not anymore.

We have mended our relationship through therapy, tears, fights, and pure determination. I have been able to forgive and move on because of my relationship with God. I definitely reaped what I sowed.

Since I have been both women meaning the "other" woman and the heartbroken wife, I have quite a few people that want to discuss their marital woes with me. I am not equipped to do this. I have made so many bad mistakes that I just don't feel I can give sage advice.

I do know that any decision we make affects someone else. The old saying "I'm not hurting anyone but myself" is a lie. You will hurt others around you. Your relationships will forever be colored by your decisions. The way you treat others and the way they treat you is one of the effects of your decision.

Please don't delude yourself into thinking I am some sort of "big" person for deciding to forgive my husband. I am not. I was angry for YEARS. Something between us died that day and it will never be resuscitated. God's mercy has been great in my life and I don't presume to think otherwise.

I have a friend going through a similar situation and it breaks my heart to see such anguish. "D" and I have known him for years and I would never have guessed he was so unhappy in his marriage. So what great advice did I give him? Remember that she will find out and she will be hurt deeply. Make sure that you can live with the repercussions of your actions. Are you willing to risk your marriage for a romp in the hay? What a jerk I am! What a perfect opportunity to witness and tell this man how much God carried me through this and what I learned when I emerged from the forest. I can only pray that when he approaches me again that I will have the courage to stand up and really tell him what my little liaison cost me.

Due to recent financial struggles, we have decided not to buy gifts for everyone we usually buy for this year. Since this is happening to many, I am sure we are not alone in this decision.

Having said that, there are a few that we will be trying to buy something for. We have discussed this with our immediate family and they have agreed not to buy for us either. Somehow, I don't think our mothers will adhere to this. We are going to help out a little with our grandson's Christmas in lieu of buying for the kids.

I know that we will get our parents something I just don't know what. That just leaves my grandmother.

I struggle every year with this. Since she is in a nursing home, her personal space is very limited. I also have to consider her Alzheimer's. Personal photographs that I could restore myself are out of the question. She no longer recognizes anyone so any enjoyment she may have gotten from this in the past is gone.

I thought of buying her new pictures to hang on her walls but, I have not been able to find anything affordable. I am thinking of getting her a new outfit. Mom says I shouldn't because it will just come up missing. Which brings me to a new issue.

We have signs posted around Granny's closet specifically stating that the family will do her laundry. The main reason behind this decision is the type of detergent used in nursing facilities. Any large facility that does a large amount of laundry, uses the least expensive detergents to offset costs. The problem is that these are very harsh detergents that leave your clothes stiff and quite rough. As you age, your skin can become quite thin and sensitive. Since my grandmother has sensitive skin to begin with, this just adds to her discomfort.

Even with the signs they still do some of her laundry. We have spoken with the person in charge of laundry, the Director of Nursing and the Director of the nursing home about this to no avail. My grandmother has had several things come up missing. The most recent items are 2 pair of pants that mom purchased for her withing the last 3 months. After several visits to the laundry room to try and locate them, she finally went to the Director. So now the nursing home has to pay for the clothing.

There are other things that seem to "get lost". Lotion, candy, drinks from her dorm fridge, and OTC medications that we have purchased. All of these items are clearly marked with her name in permanent marker.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying any employee is stealing. Residents there are always going into one another's rooms. They forget which room is theirs and wander into another room. My grandmother has done this on several occasions and has made it back to her own room with items that did not belong to her. Mom and I always try to find the owner so we can return them.

The laundry issue is totally different. Even though I know that any new outfit I may get her could possibly come up missing, I still want to get her one with some leopard print on it.

As many of you know, my sister and I have been estranged for many years. We live less than 30 minutes from each other, but, have not spoken in over 5 years.

In the beginning, I wrote her several letters speaking about repentance and forgiveness and the need for all of us to do just that. Repent and forgive....two of the hardest things for a person like me to do.

She eventually sent all the letters back to me with a letter of her own. In a nutshell, she told me that she did not desire any communication from me and I should apply what I had written to my own heart. Little did she know that God had already been doing just that very thing.

About a year ago give or take, God decided that I needed to open this door again. So I called her. This was very hard for me to do. I did not want her to blow up on me and start rehashing all those hurtful things we had done to one another over the years. But, I knew that if that was the way God wanted it handled, then that is what would be done. The conversation was short and she assured me that there was no unfinished business between us. Still no reconciliation. I had decided that we needed to talk about things from the past so we would not repeat them again should we ever decide to try and mend our relationship.

Today there is a knock on my door. My sister is standing there waiting for me to invite her in. I did hesitate because I immediately thought she would not be here unless something had happened to my mother. When she came in she immediately hugged me close and apologized for her part in our torn relationship. We discussed how she came to be at my house that morning and why I had done the things I had done in the past to try and reach out to her.

What is so ironic about all of this is that we did not rehash the past. She did say that if I felt it was necessary for us to discuss any wrongs that she may have done to me that we would but, she just wanted to wipe the slate clean and move on from here. As I am writing this, I think of what Corrie Ten Boom said about our sins. God puts them in the deepest lake with a "no fishing" sign. When she was done I could tell she was bracing herself for the worst. But, I did not feel the need to bring all that old junk up. I knew that she was in my kitchen because of her obedience to God and that was all that mattered.

To those of you with broken relationships, I would say this: Don't give up and don't stop praying. You can own your part to God and repent. But you must be willing to do what He desires of you to truly have peace. God will most definitely do the rest!

I know because today He gave me a most precious gift......my sister. I know that He is the binding force in our relationship now and it will truly be what it should be because of Him. Praise God!!!!!