Dementia for 2

Once again BAC has seen fit to find yet another reason to deny the short sale of the house. I fear they have finally worn us down. Foreclosure is set for sometime in May. I would like to say I am relieved. I would like to say we are going to be fine. I would really like to say that there are plenty of affordable places to rent in my area. But, alas, such is not the case.

I am really sad to be leaving our home of so many years. I dread the idea of starting over. Actually, I dread the "thinning out" process of starting over. I know we will be okay. God has not forsaken my family. I know that the right house will be available and affordable. I just don't know when or where. I have a great fear of the unknown. I have never been one to enjoy surprises so this is all very stressful for me.

I have been trying to keep a stiff upper lip and a positive attitude about this whole thing. But, to be honest, it is really hard. A lot of buried resentments are rising to the surface and I just don't want to deal with them. I have started to give God the silent treatment in response to this. I so want to just deny, deny, deny. I can see how this is affecting my relationships with others and I don't like the person I am at the moment.

I seem to be spiraling out of control inside and it is starting to be very noticeable on the outside. I know I should be praying about all of this, but what do I say? I have said it all before to God. I seem to keep repeating myself and that is of no use to anyone. I am becoming very angry at everyone about everything. This is not how God desires that I clear this latest hurdle in my life. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier.

I have come so close and then the prize eludes me once again. I know that I will never get it right but you would think I could come a little closer after all this time. I think it is time to announce "Last Call" at this little pity party of mine and kick all these uninvited guests out.