Monday, September 29, 2008

who is this woman?

talked with my mom about my grandmother today. it is all i can do to keep from crying about her anymore. i feel i have to be strong for my mom. this is a lot harder on her than me.

the weird thing about Alzheimer's is that you can show symptoms in all 7 stages. so it can be hard to pinpoint where they are in the stages. most doctors that i have talked with put them in to categories.
mild mild-moderate moderate-severe severe

when granny got here after Katrina, the neurologist we sent her to put her in moderate to severe. she has stayed there pretty much for the last 3 years. now she is moving more and more into the severe category.

she no longer dresses herself, or plunders in her stuff. she tires very very easily. she doesn't swallow her medicine in pill form now they have to crush it. we have been feeding her for quite a while now. lately she acts like she doesn't always remember how to swallow.

my grandmother is about 5' 7'' and she used to weigh about 150 lbs. now she is now to 120. she looks so small. she still talks but half the time you can't understand her and that is very frustrating for both of us.

when i look at her now i can't believe this is the same woman who used to let me make button jewelry and play with me. where is that woman? who is this woman? i don't know her and i miss the one i do know.

i visit a stranger. the woman i love the woman that played with me and my children is gone forever.

i know now why people don't visit their loved one in nursing homes any more than they do. it is too heartbreaking. the person you visit is not the person you know. i wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy. it is the most heartbreaking thing to watch. it breaks up families destroys marriages and puts a wedge between siblings that may never be mended. no one should have to shoulder the care for someone with this alone.

i have to quit. can't type through the tears.


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