Dementia for 2

My grandmother is very particular about who takes care of her. She has a great sense of modesty still and does not want any male aides taking care of her.

There is a new aide at the nursing home. My mom is up there I think it was about a week ago and she is changing my grandmother's clothes. She is being assisted by a female aide. Since the divider curtain is drawn, you have to walk into the room and peer around this to see what is going on. In comes this male aide. My mom informs him that she has everything under control and that my grandmother does not like men attending her.

Needless to say, he gets all offended by this and proceeds to say things to other aides on the floor that simply are not true. Fortunately for my mother, the female aide that was there overheard him and called him out on it.

He was there last night when I got there. I am getting linens off the linen cart and he stops what he is doing to just stare at me. When I asked him what was the matter he just looked at me and never answered. I just think he is strange at this point.

Later, when I am leaving, I ask him if he is the one attending my grandmother that night. You never know if any special request you make is taken into consideration or not so I always try to find out who is attending my grandmother overnight. He replies, "No. I never have her. I never will have her." Now he is very curt with this reply. So I just said, "Okay. I didn't know." To which he replied, "Now you do so you don't have to ask me anymore." This really made me want to yank him up if you know what I mean.

I so badly wanted to tell him, " Look this isn't about you and it isn't about me. It is about what makes my grandmother comfortable. It is nothing personal so just get over yourself." But I didn't. I held my tongue. Looking back on it today, I wonder why I did. I guess I was afraid he would take it out on someone else who was unable to defend themselves or maybe he would say something that simply was not true. Either way, I saw no viable way to make my point without causing someone else to suffer because I just had to have my say.