Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Just Between Us

In my quest to resolve the conflict between my sister and me, I have been doing a lot of reading on the biblical way to resolve conflict. The steps given seem fairly easy at a glance. But, upon further reflection, you soon realize that they are anything but easy.

I realize that by allowing this problem to go on as long as it has, that I have been remiss in my responsibility. I allowed my sister's response to my first attempt rule any future decisions I might have made. By doing this, I have also allowed this problem to become an even bigger wedge between us.

According to God's word, we should go to the person in private first. This should be done in private between you and them. The issue I have with that is location. I am not a big sports fan, but I do realize the importance of "home court advantage". So, I am leery of going to her house and do not think it fair to suggest my house. I have thought of a public setting. In my mind, this would keep the volume low and also the tone of the conversation may be more civil. We could possibly meet at my mother's, however, my mom being who she is, would feel obligated to referee. I am not comfortable placing her in that position.

Assuming we are able to work out step one and do meet, we would then actually have to speak to each other. I have to make sure that I am allowing God to use this situation and me to His glory and not my own. I have to make sure that my words are tempered with love and compassion. I have to be willing to actually listen to what she says. This can be hard because when the other person starts with the "you did this", we tend to close our ears and open our mind to all they have done to us.

If the above actions do not resolve the issue, we are instructed to go to another Christian for help in mediating. This should be someone that knows both parties. The only people that know both of us and most likely any part of the issue at hand, are members of her church. While I don't have a problem with this per say, I am concerned about what they know and how that would affect their ability to act in a non-judgmental way.

If we are still unable to resolve this, the Word instructs you to go to the elders of your church and tell them. This is serious. Since I don't belong to a church, my sister's church would be the one in question. I am praying that this can be resolved before it comes to this step. If we come to this place, we will be writing off each other forever. Forever is such a very long time. Too long to think about at this time.


  1. Expat From Hell said...
    The way I read it, Matthew 18 is about approaching someone over sin. On the other hand, if this is the same thing as recovering a lost sheep, well, the Biblical analogies pretty much point to doing whatever is necessary to recover the "lost" one. I am behind you 100% in this one, my good friend. EFH
    Inge' said...
    Thank you for your support! I am looking forward to this about as much as a root canal:) I know I am probably making it far worse than it really is, but even knowing that isn't making it any easier:)

    I know that God is also preparing her to see me so that knowledge gives me great comfort.

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