Dementia for 2

I have not blogged in quite a while. To be honest, I just have not been in to it.

Things have not gone well in my home over the past year or so and I think it is finally getting to me.

I am doing a Beth Moore study right now and got the weeks confused. So while I was doing the week on patience, everyone else was doing the week on joy. Go figure. I have been thinking about exactly where my joy is right now. When things are bad and I mean REALLY bad, it is hard to find any joy.

I tend to stray from my relationships when things are tough. I just isolate myself and try to fix it myself. But, things are in such a state that only God can fix this mess. We are on the brink of losing our house. I don't know what will happen if we do. Both of us have such lousy credit that we couldn't possibly even rent an apartment. Doug's mom lives too far away and my mom barely has enough room. I don't know if we could all live together.

Doug finally got a job this week. It doesn't pay a whole lot, but anything helps right now.

So, as I look at the mountain of bills sitting on my kitchen table in a house I may not even be living in by next month, I have to ask myself: "How can I possibly rejoice in the Lord now?" I have screwed up my own life as has hubby by our own poor choices. We accept responsibility for that. But we are both hardworking people. We are not trying to shirk away from own responsibilities. We are willing to pay what we owe. But, we need some understanding and help from our debtors. There are other options that the bank could offer but they seem unwilling to do so. I am working 1 full time and 2 part time jobs right now and have been doing so for quite some time. When hubs had a job, we could use that money to pay the larger bills and my money to pay smaller ones and have a little saved up for the short months. But now every month is a short month.

Then I think of all the people in this country that have no job, no home, no family to help them. I can rejoice in the Lord that I still have a home and several jobs. I am healthy and I still have my mind. My children are both working and healthy. My grandson is smart, and fun and is still young enough to think I am cool.

I have my mother and my grandmother. The 2 most fierce and loyal women to me that I could possibly have. So I have a lot to be joyful about.

God has enabled us to stay in this house for a very long time. I have to trust that He will continue to take care of us. But, I have isolated myself from Him too. So, it is hard for me to go to Him when I know that I have been such a poor example to others with my own wretched life. I am trying to get back to the person I was and the student of God that I was in the hopes that I can learn what it really means to "Rejoice in the Lord always."