Monday, November 15, 2010

The Other Woman

There are moments in my life that I just wish I could forever erase from my memory. I know that my decisions have shaped who I am. I also know that God will use my bad choices to help others for His glory. But, I really hate having to face the "old" me.

This is my second marriage and we struggle EVERY day to make it work. Like most couples, we have issues that we would rather not face, but, face them we must.

During my first marriage, I was unfaithful to my husband. I would like to be able to blame it on all kinds of mitigating factors. But the truth is, I made the choice to be unfaithful. I made the choice to lie about it and I made the choice to shift the blame to anyone but me.

Quite a number of years ago, my current husband was unfaithful to me. I don't know how far this liaison progressed before he confessed, and I don't want to know. There was a time when that would have been important to me, but not anymore.

We have mended our relationship through therapy, tears, fights, and pure determination. I have been able to forgive and move on because of my relationship with God. I definitely reaped what I sowed.

Since I have been both women meaning the "other" woman and the heartbroken wife, I have quite a few people that want to discuss their marital woes with me. I am not equipped to do this. I have made so many bad mistakes that I just don't feel I can give sage advice.

I do know that any decision we make affects someone else. The old saying "I'm not hurting anyone but myself" is a lie. You will hurt others around you. Your relationships will forever be colored by your decisions. The way you treat others and the way they treat you is one of the effects of your decision.

Please don't delude yourself into thinking I am some sort of "big" person for deciding to forgive my husband. I am not. I was angry for YEARS. Something between us died that day and it will never be resuscitated. God's mercy has been great in my life and I don't presume to think otherwise.

I have a friend going through a similar situation and it breaks my heart to see such anguish. "D" and I have known him for years and I would never have guessed he was so unhappy in his marriage. So what great advice did I give him? Remember that she will find out and she will be hurt deeply. Make sure that you can live with the repercussions of your actions. Are you willing to risk your marriage for a romp in the hay? What a jerk I am! What a perfect opportunity to witness and tell this man how much God carried me through this and what I learned when I emerged from the forest. I can only pray that when he approaches me again that I will have the courage to stand up and really tell him what my little liaison cost me.

1 Comment:

  1. Expat From Hell said...
    I admire your courage and brutal frankness in telling your story. Once again, I am impressed and encouraged in turn. Gratefully. EFH

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